Anat Baniel method of Feldenkrais in India

May 12, 2010

Okay, this is what I have been up to these days. Nisarga’s development still seems behind schedule and the attitude of his pediatrician is wait and see. That seems fine, since he isn’t ill or unhappy, but I was getting concerned about his lack of movements.

A lot of research online led me to discover the Feldenkrais method and then the Anat baniel method for children.What I liked was the attitude of sensitivity to the child’s comfort and the focus on creating learning experiences rather than training or therapy. I was eager to have this for Nisarga, but there aren’t any practitioners in India. Not to be stopped, I have turned my considerable aptitude for learning toward this and learned through reading and teaching materials purchased online.

I tried to understand the principles and used the abundant videos on YouTube to see example after example of them in action and started applying these learnings to assist Nisarga. It started showing results almost immediately. I felt encouraged and worked further, helping Nisarga to roll over and gain neck control.

Then, I became complacent, till I realized that he is now 8 months old and still not sitting or crawling, and have been working with him gain for the last few days. Again, I am encouraged to see that within four days he learned to hold his back straighter, sits with very little support, uses two hands to play with toys and as of today, has started crawling – all of which he was not able till four days ago.

What began as a disappointment over lack of access to practitioners is leading to me becoming a practitioner!I am not a certified practitioner, but I would be happy to work with other children who need help with motor development. I am not promising any competence and of course, if, unlike me, you can fly abroad and get those experts to work with your child, its best. But if that is not possible for you, I dare say that this may be worth a shot. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t harm for sure. But if it does… the changes in Nisarga in the last four days are miraculous.

Of course, in an ideal world, I will be able to afford to fly abroad to learn when Nisarga is older. Or, there may be other practitioners who begin working in Mumbai…

Categories: Anat Baniel Method, Feldenkrais, baby development, development.

Unfurling learning – the unschooling way

April 8, 2010

When I began unschooling Nisarga, he was two months old. I was often told by veteran unschoolers that it was too early to think about schooling or unschooling and to simply enjoy my child. Yet, experiential learning is a way of life with me, and I wasn’t adopting unschooling so much as I had found a name for what I was doing, and a community to help me find ways to do it better. I couldn’t have stopped.

At the same time, I had bought in completely to the opinion expressed that at this stage what I was doing would be attachment parenting, plain and simple. And it was. Yet, I experienced the living proof of what I say countless times – “We begin learning from experience from birth and stop at death. Its like breathing. We may consciously influence its quality, but we can’t stop.” And so it was.

Nisarga was learning a whole load of things, and my awareness of unschooling helped me apply the principles to support his learning at his level.

He is rather young, so it isn’t really about projects and things, but simply discovering the world, creating meaning out of experiences, learning to use our bodies (and I mean the ‘our’ – my own body has discovered many new ways it can be used in this process). I pretty much let him do what he wants. He wakes up, sleeps, plays, interacts or not at will. I let him guide me as to what to do. My chief role at this stage is loving him to bits (he’s one cuddly love-sponge).

He is slightly late developmentally in reaching milestones, so a lot of my responsibilities involve protecting him from unintentional and well intended training that makes him uncomfortable (‘making’ him bear weight on his feet, pressuring him to roll by constantly jangling stuff at him, etc). On the other hand, I am trying to balance ‘getting him to do’ things with providing him with opportunities he enjoys and it has resulted in some very new ‘games’. Currently, his chief toy is me. Followed closely by DH, MIL, an exercise ball, a swing, four foot ‘hit me’ dolphin and absolutely anything he can lay his hands on.

Unschooling provided me the concept of trusting him that helped me discover that I don’t need to make him do exercises to develop his motor skills. If I offer them in a way that’s fun, he prefers them over other things. If he doesn’t want to do them, its not the end of the world. He has taught me (by being excited) to create our own exercises by simply breaking down the movements he is trying unsuccessfully into smaller doable bits or supporting him through the bits he is not able and he enjoys these more, since they are what he wants to do in the first place. I found this AMAZING. He doesn’t need a pediatrician to tell him what to do and this way we always have variety and increasing movements than those ‘recommended activities’.

We intend to go out everyday, but he’s not too much into it. So we don’t, unless he’s in the mood.

He loves spending time on the floor and is currently obsessed with eating his feet and the feet somehow keep escaping. So he rolls to catch them and finds himself rolled over, which is new and interesting. But he doesn’t have the strength to do much from this position, so he yells for me after a while. Depending on his mood, I may pick him up for comforting (fed up) or I may hover him over his toys so that he can pick them up and throw them around the room. He loves this. He taught me this by simply being delighted when I took him over the first time. Another version is when he sits in my lap and plays with toys and I take him over to pick them up himself. He likes being bounced, so I bounce him whenever he asks (which is immediately every time he is in any bounce-capable position). He loves me, so he gets a lot of me. Absolutely unlimited attention, any time he wants it.

We are discovering that he is fine going out in the evenings for a short time if he has had a good nap and enjoys the busy market bustling with people, bright and curious things and moving vehicles. I have started seeing the miserable place as interesting through his eyes. I am learning to be tuned in to him and it is an intimacy I have never experienced before. Its just beautiful. he is a cheerful, expressive baby with a distinct preference for communication, and very little need to cry. Its not like he never cries, but its mostly physical issues like gas or burp, or someone not setting him down when he wants to pee – doesn’t like to pee on people.

I discovered (to my surprise) that there is indeed a way of unschooling a baby, which is unschooling and distinctly different from attachment parenting, or simply loving and indulging. He has interests and preferences. It is not only about being there for him and loving him, but actually paying attention to what he is doing, what he enjoys more, and offering more of the same. Respecting his wishes for what he doesn’t want. Pretty much what I imagine happens with an older child, but this is a baby and it works very well for his learning as well. He likes grabbing at toys. We got him more ‘grabby’ kind of toys. He likes movement, so we have a ball to bounce on, swing, plus a whole repertoire of throwing, swinging, rocking, etc that he enjoys. He doesn’t like rice cereal, so I don’t feed him that. He likes watermelon, so he gets that often. Its a whole load of things we do that we wouldn’t have before beginning unschooling, and I’m glad, because he is so happy, contented, energetic all the time. He takes most opportunities offered, which only makes me see how much more I can offer him. New ideas keep popping up, and life keeps getting enriched.

There is a long way to go, of course, but the journey is enthralling. I totally forget that this guy isn’t actually speaking, which is the thing I was most scared of before I became a mom – how would I understand the ‘tiny creature’?

It is difficult to say what exactly we do, since its pretty much based on what he wants to do in the moment, and in the last couple of weeks, no day has been like another. I guess he’s discovering more and more. My role is to simply make as many wishes of his possible as I can understand and offer anything that I think he may enjoy.

It is an unfurling, an opening. New possibilities emerge with each moment lived.

Would love to hear how other families spend their days.

Categories: Daily Life, Natural Parenting, Unschooling.

Tags: infant, Unschooling

Encourage rolling over

April 5, 2010

Many children these days roll over late. Nisarga is one of them. Its not that he can’t. He just doesn’t seem interested.

He has rolled over from his tummy to his back and vice versa more than a few times. He can. But he is content to lie how he is. I must admit that I have some concerns over his muscle tone, particularly when I went and discovered that he has many symptoms of mild hypotonia. But his doctor is not overly concerned, and I dislike labels anyway, so I am simply plodding along, helping him to do more, unless the doctor suggests that there is a problem, which she clearly doesn’t think at the moment.

Anyway, here are some things I tried to encourage him to roll over:

Tummy time – the god of all motor development. This can’t be over stressed. It is an opportunity for him to try doing things with his body by using his limbs to move in gravity.
Variations on tummy time, like on an exercise ball, incline, rolled towel under armpits, etc.
I support his movements by helping him move in the direction he is looking in. This may mean bringing over his hip or shoulder, etc.
Alternating interaction and alone time – in nice chunks of time, say fifteen minutes at least.
Propping his bottom up slightly when on his back, to encourage him to lift his legs and catch his feet. This is a good position for him to be tempted into rolling over.
Sitting at his head and speaking, encouraging, giving toys, etc, so that he has to turn to watch me.
Play by turning his body from side to side. The trick is to roll him when his body is moving with the movement – for example, arms coming over if I’m rolling him by his hips or legs, or hips turning if I’m rolling him from his shoulders or arms. Initially, it takes him a while to go with the movement, but after a few rolls, I can roll him from side to side really fast, and he is totally with the movement and enjoying it and asking for more. Don’t do this for too long, even if your baby seems to be loving it.
Rolling and bouncing on an exercise ball (roll the ball, not the baby and bounce the baby, not the ball )
Take a very soft scarf and drop it onto the baby’s tummy. Nisarga brings his arms and feet up and kind of hugs it and often rolls in his ecstace. This works specially well if the baby is not wearing clothes and can feel the light and soft material against the tummy.

Other things that may be possible are sessions in a swimming pool,

Categories: baby development, development, milestone.

10 ways to develop head control in an infant

March 30, 2010

A friend has a daughter who was born a couple of months after Nisarga. She has hypotonia and is having trouble getting her daughter to do many things. She goes with him to a physiotherapist, but is feeling rather discouraged. As we chatted, I realized that with Nisarga having low muscle tone as well, and considering the amount of research and experimenting I do into encouraging movement, I had tons of very useful advice to offer.

We spoke about many milestones and specific motor achievements over a week or so of extensive chatting, and I am planning to share the ideas as different posts focused on specific subjects.

This one focuses on encouraging head control. Here are the different things I do (and some I haven’t yet done) with Nisarga:

Tummy time. Lots of it. If your baby doesn’t like tummy time, put them on their tummies, and pick them up the moment they complain. Don’t force them to endure it, but don’t stop providing opportunities. With Nisarga, I found that these things often depend on mood. Sometimes, he can lie on his tummy indefinitely, other times, he will start crying even before he hits the ground. So don’t be in a hurry to decide that your baby doesn’t like tummy time, it may simply be their mood – tired, hungry, gas, sleepy, etc.
Carry him upright. Carry in your arms, in a baby carrier…. this gives them opportunities to manage his head without having to lift it against gravity.
Lying chest to chest on you as you recline. This is a modified kind of tummy time where he doesn’t have to bear so much weight on his hands and can lift his head to look at your face – motivation and ease.
Put a rolled up towel under his armpits when on tummy to help him look up easier. N doesn’t really need this, as he’s happy to look up.
Carry him facing the floor with his tummy on your arm.
Swing him tummy down like an aeroplane
Encourage him to look around. Move toys so that he has to turn his head to see them, show him things as you carry him around, get others in the home to call him so that he turns to look.
One exercise I play is to sit him on my knees facing front. I look over one shoulder and call to him and give him a kiss. Then I do the same over the other shoulder. After a while he should start anticipating your moves and look at you and smile. (Not for very young babies, I guess)
Talk to him as you move around the room so that he turns to look at you. Most infants will naturally want to follow their parents with their eyes (mothers in particular)
Sit him on your knees or on a big rubber ball, hold him carefully and with enough support for his head, and sway him to music or a rhyme. You can also tilt him from side to side and front and back. Begin with small movements and move to larger movements only when he starts enjoying this. This helps him learn to make small corrections to keep his head upright.

Keep everything fun. It is not going to work if your child is resisting what is happening, since his energy will then not be with ‘flowing’ with the activity, but in avoiding it. Also, something fun for both of you is likely to be repeated regularly to coax laughs out of the little charmer than something that is an ordeal.

Categories: development, infant, milestone.

Tags: head control, motor development

Transformation

February 18, 2010

I have learned living in a whole new way from my son.

For a long time, I’d been wondering, where do I express this. The transformation is manifesting in my personal life, so it could go on my personal blog, the transformation is manifesting in my professional life, so it should go on my professional blog, and the source of the transformation is Nisarga, so it belongs here. As you see, I am here, sharing this.

What is this transformation?

Before Nisarga was born, I had committed to myself that I would not blindly do anything without understanding what I was up to.

When he was born, I discovered that I pretty much knew nothing. Of course, it was my first child. What did I know? I started finding out. I discovered that if I was paying attention, I understood him very well. Life is simple. Smile is yes, frown is no, intent gaze is interest, show me more.

I discovered that responses change, and what brought a smile usually, may not be liked at all at some time. It was a learning in constantly seeing with attention, being with caring. This is not as tedious as my description. It is fascinating to discover that like me, like any other person, this little guy is taking in the world around him, selecting what to pay attention to, and has his own opinions about it.

Seeing how explanations don’t make sense to him, I learned to move away from them, and simply be with what is, however inexplicable, and discovered that it is. It doesn’t need explanations to be possible, because it already is. If he wants to nurse fifteen minutes after he was done, it doesn’t matter why. What matters is that he is hungry. The ‘Again?’ of surprise is irrelevant too. Living in the now means he needs me to nurse him. I don’ need to understand why, just do the needful. He has his own reasons, and no one else needs to know.

With time, I became so used to this, that explanations are dissolving from my life leaving my mind free to really see the need without analyzing its validity with everyone. Relationships are unfurling from the haze of unnecessary judgments I didn’t even know I used to clutter myself with. I find myself listening, really listening, and the responses I get reflect the new freedom I haves started bringing with me.

Life is different. Intimate. Rewarding.

And I can see how a child gives birth to a parent. I’ll go ahead and say that it is silly to focus on teaching your child, when there is so much you can learn.

Categories: Child, Daily Life, development, learning resource, proud mama, reflections.

The Unschooling Gods

January 28, 2010

I had joined these online unschooling information communities, where parents from all over the world can interact. There are many knowledgeable people there as are many people just stepping into unschooling. It is an incredible space.

However, like anywhere else in the world, intolerance abounds. Or perhaps it is intolerance in me at listening to generalizations on how unschooling should be.

My current discomfort is with Sandra Dodd. Yes, her site is still on one of my highest recommendations for information on the subject, but I find that like any other human, she is rather set in her view of unschooling, which makes it rather difficult to listen to some of her opinions on unschooling.

I guess, what I will have to do, is start my own ‘brand’ of unschooling, which really is what every parent does, whether schooling or unschooling or other.

This post is about my belief in respecting a child. It is about not knowing what is best, and doing what I think would best support my objectives. I can only ever find out.

Two statements made by Sandra recently remain in my mind as hallmarks of how we can become rigid in our thoughts and how we stop learning when we begin “teaching”.

They are (there is no link to provide, as this was said in a group post at AlwaysLearning on yahoo Groups):

“If she can’t give enough to make unschooling better than school, she should put the child in school.”

and

“If she can’t give enough to keep the child from being an absolute mess, she should give him up for adoption.”

I made a response to these on the lists, but I have no belief that it will be posted, since said Sandra also has the ability to block posts. It will take a person willing to reflect to actually absorb the response statements like this get.

I may lack experience, but I find this utterly crass. This goes well beyond unschooling as a practice and into the realm of telling a parent what to do with a child based on own judgements of what constitutes “good enough”.

Considering a mother newly getting into unschooling. Things are in a bad space for her. She is finding it difficult to keep supporting all an energetic childs initiatives can be, unconditionally. She is already questioning how her children behave and worries that things are not right. How do you think a suggestion for putting them up for adoption rather than messing them up hits her in this frame of mind? Being experienced is little use if it cannot be ssensitive.

Sandra, I bet you were right where we are in the beginning and didn’t actually begin knowing it all. How would you have felt when you didn’t know what was to come and things were rough, and some ‘expert’ suggested that your child would be better off without your contributions if you were not able to ‘crack it’? You still don’t know the future. What if they get messed a few years later? Will you give them up for adoption?

Or, in other words, I don’t know if I can make unschooling better than school. I don’t know if I can keep my child from being an absolute mess whether I school or unschool, raise him myself or give him up for adoption. All I know is that I believe that I am making the most respectful choice I can make for my child. By the time I am forced to accept that I did indeed mess my child up, it will be too late, since of course, I’m not intentionally messing him up. My child would also have some security in what was happening, however messed it was. Would he cope with whatever parents he would get through adoption? How do I know the adopted parents won’t mess him further? I will never see my child as messed, so I cant trust my own judgment. I want the best life for him, even if it means I should keep my toxic self away. So tell me, wise one, should I send him to school or adoption? By these standards, does anyone deserve a child at all?

It is not that Sandra doesn’t care about the well being of a child. I know she does, or she would never have made this phenomenal effort. I think, somewhere down the line, responding to so many questions, providing so much invaluable advice, working so hard to extend support to new beginners, she has lost that much essential space for self-awareness that makes it possible to keep our own selves nourished. When that space gets crowded out, our actions start being automatic based on what we usually say, and they take on a life of our own, while we still continue to see ourselves as sensitive and caring.

I have no doubt that she actually means this statement as well-intentioned advice to mothers who question the need to give their children the freedom to do whatever they want and learn from that. What she means is that if you grudge your children that, there is no point making this huge effort toward unschooling, because you will have ended up making all the effort, but with the same result as school. I also took it like that. I just think that it comes from a place of being God, and I resent her implication that she knows what is better for my child.

I still have a lot of respect for Sandra. Her words are invaluable support for someone beginning a journey, like me. I read them, I reflect on them and often they empower me to have a more enabling attitude toward growth. Mine and the others too. So don’t go, “Oh, I was reading her because you recommended, and now I’d better stop before she wrecks my self-esteem”. Read her, read everyone. Just trust yourself. Trust that you are doing the best you can, and that is always good enough.

It is also a learning on how there is no point idolizing a person to a place of infallibility and then being outraged when they turn out to be human. It is a lesson for me to see the humanity in me, in others.

Categories: Natural Parenting, Unschooling.

Unschooling Nisarga

January 22, 2010

Okay, its world war three, and as usual, I’m in the thick of things. This time, it is the declaration that Nisarga will not go to school. This has sparked a minor wave of arguments. Many have shaken their heads wryly thinking that its yet another of my strange ideas. Those who know me better have started their own campaigns of explaining how school is necessary to a well rounded childhood (as though they have explored options), how it will be difficult to sustain year after year the strain of educating the child, and more.

I find schools overrated.

I have been in one as a child. While not traumatized, it isn’t something to write home about.

My reasons for deciding to unschool Nisarga:

Schooling is a huge investment in time. Compared with the time I invested in it, I have got precious little back. That is not to say I didn’t learn anything. It is simply saying that much of what I learned is rarely useful in life, and many things I learned actually harm my well being in real life.
Schools teach us to quantify people based on a standard scale. We don’t really need much of what we learn in school, and most of what we need to learn in life, we learn from life. Yet, kids start believing themselves as clever or dumb based on what some ambitious bunch of teachers decides as life skills.
The education system has no real way to impart necessary knowledge. One may argue that maths, science, history, language, etc are the foundations of learning. One may argue that they are certainly not. The fact is that very few schools actually prepare you for life. With calculators all around, I see no reason for my son to waste some of the prime developmental years of his life learning methods to divide 679676876 by 5875. Been there, done that, and never done it in real life. Always used a calculator – on my phone, my computer…
Many subjects of knowledge are not covered though we pretend they are. Art for example is a joke. So is language, where a student will actually be considered ‘less’ for using slang, or ‘street language’ which is really an important part of speech in real life.
Students are carefully molded into prescribed human beings and measured according to their ability to conform. This is actual damage.
Think of all the life experience that he actually can learn things of interest to him that he can fit in in the coming 16 years (basic schooling). Travel, experimentation, art, science, people skills, computers, television, whatever. Whatever works. Once we aren’t obliged to measure our worth from standardized and useless examinations, there remains no real need to limit ourselves to prescribed learning and tentatively dabbling in our real interests. I see no reason why a kid can’t play video games all day and then grow up to make a living out of it. Or to play with colors and become an artist. Or to take apart things, improvise and then become an engineer or scientist. Or to become all of the above because he wants to, or to choose something else altogether.
I suspect that schools often serve the purpose of keeping the kids occupied for parents who would much rather not have the hassle of dealing with their growth. This is not needed for me. I enjoy growing with him

I am not planning on teaching my child anything at all. Let alone school. I will share what I find important if he finds it interesting. If he doesn’t, there is really no need for him to learn to do maths (for example) till he needs it and figures it out. Or to know about all the countries in the world or to read history only to forget it. The big thing I am going to do to support his growth is to stop interfering with my own ideas of what is best for him.

For all those of you concerned that I’m going to ‘ruin’ my child, I appreciate your concern, and share my trust that he is a person and if learning turns out to be essential, he is capable of making a choice to engage in it as much as he likes.

If you have read this far, and see some value in what I say, I’d like to share that I have also discovered that unschooling is practiced by many people over the world. That is how I realized that my “no intention of sending my child to school (since before I even married)” actually had a name, and my instinct was indeed leading me to something many involved and caring parents found value in. You may find out more on:

http://www.naturalchild.org
http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There is a whole new world waiting to be discovered.

This is unorthodox. I know. But then I have never really been famous for following the rules.

PS: If you wish your child to excel in maths, this article is a must read.

Categories: Child, Natural Parenting, Unschooling, development, growth, learning resource, reflections.

Our first tooth at 3 months!!!

December 14, 2009

I have been busy with a super needy baby for the past couple of days with no time to haunt this blog at all.

He has been fussy and clingy for the past couple of days, which is fine because I enjoy holding him, but sad because he seems so unhappy. I was wondering constantly about what his problem was. If you remember, I’d written a post the over a month ago, when he wasn’t even two months old thinking he was teething. Everyone assured me I was mistaken and that he was too young. Then, it seemed to ease and I believed I was mistaken too about the symptoms.

He’s been super drooly since then and tends to have whiny moods, which too everyone assured me was a part of growing up.

Today, as I looked into his mouth, there it was – a tiny white ridge over a very drooly gum. Its still not out, but its right there. Apparently, it will still take time to come out, and that’s what his discomfort is all about, but I’m glad to know that I did understand his body language correctly.

I feel so helpless sometimes to understand what my little man is trying to tell me.

Categories: health, infant, milestone, teething.

Signing wave at less than three months?

November 30, 2009

Okay, I think this guy is a budding signer. But then I think he’s awesome at everything, so….

I’d been showing him the sign for wave (among many other signs). Most of the time, he just stares blankly and there is no way to know if he even is getting anything out of it. Other times, he gives these delighted grins because he likes me making nice, exaggerated actions. Nothing remotely like comprehension.

And then he goes and does something that totally blows me away. I was showing him words on the computer, and when the word wave was read out, he opened his fingers wide. Okay, not what we call a wave, but exactly what happened with milk happened thi time. On some unconscious level, I must have realized he was making that action with regard to “wave”, because I spoke with him as though he was doing it on purpose.

That was just babble.

Then, I was fooling around with him, and I waved my hand around, and he opened his fingers wide again.

Then this morning, when his massage woman was leaving, we do this thing where she says by to him, and I get him to stick his tongue out. He did it. She kept saying “ta-ta”, and nothing.

Later, I was telling my MIL about how I think he signs wave at times, and the minute I said wave, he opened his fingers wide again!!!

Not bad for my smart baby *brag* He will be three months old after two days.

So apparently, he understands the word “wave” and the action as opening his hand (haven’t really seen him waving it), but doesn’t understand its meaning. Doesn’t understand that we wave bye to people – guess why? We’ve never waved bye to people – I only show him the signs – I don’t use them for him….. He also doesn’t understand “ta-ta” is the same as wave.

So, what I need to do is wave hi and bye to people myself for him to see the context for his new trick.

Categories: baby development, baby sign language.

Tags: sign language for infants, sign wave, signing for babies

Beautiful morning

November 21, 2009

Woke up this morning to the music of Nisarg cooing loudly and waving his hands. It was quite clear he was trying to get my attention while I’d been sleeping.

He was hungry. My little sunflower had unfurled for the day, and smiling!!! What a lovely morning.

We had this beautiful feeding time with the early morning sounds of birds in the jamun tree outside. Nature indeed welcoming Nisarga into the day. All done, we both rolled back into bed and slept for another couple of hours all cuddled up.

These days he has discovered that he can make sounds to get our attention, so the crying is becoming even less (he wasn’t much of a crier to begin with) and we hear these really loud shouts “aaaae”

It is music to a mother’s heart to hear her son “call” her instead of crying helplessly. My little boy is growing!

Categories: development, infant communication.

How much teaching is too much?

November 21, 2009

In my eagerness to create the best world for my baby, I haunt online places for growth and development regularly. Forums are some of these. A common factor I find in these places is how much parents get their children to do. A real life friend of mine has a son who does a whole load of things – music, dance, chess, football, tennis, advanced mathematics, 5 languages ……

It makes me pity todays child who gets objectified into the canvas of the parent’s ambition. Sure, the modern thinking is to make learning fun. Yet, at the end of a day in Disney world, I do get tired. In the case of this friend, they speak Hindi, Marathi and English at home. In addition to that, she “exposes” him to French and German. And she is not alone. I hear echoes all over the forums for parent discussions.

I’ve noticed that there is a lot of attention paid to teaching babies second and third languages, etc. It makes sense if you speak those. For example, English, Marathi, Hindi and Kannada are spoken in our home, so baby will eventually end up understanding and communicating in them all. Or I can understand a family not usually speaking English at home making efforts to speak it around their child and supplementing it with lessons or other “exposure”. But why would I make such huge efforts to teach a language I don’t even know myself? What’s the point? How is it functional for communication?

The way I imagine things panning out is that as long as I can sustain exposure to the sources of the alien language, the baby will acclimatize to it. Once he is older and the exposure stops or fades when other more relevant and immediate learning and time needs come in, the “use it or lose it” will happen anyway. I don’t think that teaching for the first couple of years a language the child doesn’t get anything done from using (considering how daily contact is not in it, making it dysfunctional for communication most of the time) is going to keep the language alive in his mind for life. So then why?

Also, I’m looking at the impact of our overambition on our children. Whether we make it play or not, it is a constant bombardment of stimulation. If I have to expose my child to language, maths, sign language, creative activities, physical play, ….. when is the time to stand and stare?

I’m a very laid back person and do a huge amount of stuff naturally with Nisarga. Not much fazes me. But I get the jitters thinking of exposing a child to a “learning environment”, labeling it fun and making him accept all these alien things. And I hate the word exposing – you expose objects. People should have the respect of being offered a choice – you introduce, suggest…. Give respect, get respect. Youd child is learning more from how you are with him than he is from what you do with him.

But then, my idea of parenting is very attachment not only in the advertised manner, but emotionally too. I am perfectly okay with the baby clinging to me all the time, not being friendly with new people he meets, developing in his initial years with constants shared with his most trusted people. I find it a strange world where we make our kids independent when they are dependent, and then when they are exerting their independence as they grow up (teens onwards), we wish they would be closer to us. Plain unnatural. Ever heard of a baby needing to be taught to want closeness and safety of its mother/other close people? It is the “teaching to be social” and forced entry to the unfamiliar that breaks those bonds before they are ready to stretch. Once the child is vulnerable in a new situation and grows up fast to cope, what do they need the emotional side of their parent for?

You objectify the child, and the child slowly starts seeing you as a facility rather than person.

Ever heard of a baby needing to be taught to want closeness and safety of its mother/other close people? It is the “teaching to be social” and forced entry to the unfamiliar that breaks those bonds before they are ready to stretch. Once the child is vulnerable in a new situation and grows up fast to cope, what do they need the emotional side of their parent for?

You objectify the child, and the child slowly starts seeing you as a facility rather than person.

I’m aware a lot of my personal value judgments influence how I see this issue, but I find it remarkably like training a circus lion to jump through a flaming loop. Sure, a good trainer will make it fun, but a child needs to absorb the familarity of the “trusted” and the okayness of shying away from the “other” to be emotionally anchored in his own self-worth.

If a majority of the attention, enjoyment and appreciation a child gets is to teach something or the other or for health, etc. I am enabling an unfortunate belief in the child. I am important when I learn things. I am important when I do more and more things. I believe that if I do it too much, I will cause Nisarga to stop enjoying anything that doesn’t involve doing something, learning something or embracing every new challenge coming his way.

I think an important part of Nisarga’s upbringing is to be picking and choosing. What is immediately necessary is a priority. All else is a choice, and preferrably led by him. The day he shows curiosity about how different people in the world communicate if not in the languages he knows, is the day I’ll “expose” him to what they sound like, and if it interests him, we can take things from there. Otherwise, I’ll be happy knowing that we can communicate well with each other, and he can express himself and comprehend the world around him enough to be functional (self-sufficient is something he can decide for himself). Functional being defined by him being okay with the state of things.

If we move to France and he feels alone, I might help him learn French as a way of communicating with people. Otherwise, I’ll wait for him to show interest. If he doesn’t, that’s fine too. It will be one language more in a list of infinite languages that he doesn’t know. Big deal!

What I’m curious about is where do you as a parent draw the line? How much is too much?

How do we manage our desires and dreams with respect for the individuality of our child?

Categories: baby development, development, learning languages.

Two month old using sign language

November 19, 2009

Okay, Nisarg is definitely using sign language. I’d thought so earlier.

Since then, he’s signed “milk” a couple of times more. I’d been trying to get a video, but he does it rather absently, and when I approach with my phone in hand, he starts interacting with me, waving and sucking his fist. Finally, I was able to capture the tail end of it as he got hungry when my mother-in-law was holding him….. Its not very clear, he does it just once, but check out his right hand. He was doing it with both when I came close and stopped

Things got ugly real fast after I shot this. We had a crying session. I guess he didn’t appreciate me just sitting there watching him when I could feed him.

He does it quite well. Maybe I’ll get a better video in a day or two.

Categories: baby development, baby sign language, infant communication, proud mama.

Two month old signing milk?

November 19, 2009

Okay, its likely that I’m over reacting, but twice (for sure, and once unsure) since yesterday evening, we’ve seen Nisarg opening and closing his fist deliberately – the sign for milk. Both times I responded by offering to feed him, and he was hungry and fed well.

I show him the baby signing time video often because its bright and has music and stuff. He enjoys the music, and watches on and off. I had never thought he was paying attention. Perhaps he isn’t. I also do the sign for milk while I’m feeding him. That is something he definitely notices, as he is always looking intently at me as he feeds. I think he has realized that the sign for milk is accompanied by or followed by a feed.

Now, the question is if this is a coincidence or deliberate?

Everything I’ve read about baby sign language indicates that babies don’t start signing till they are 6 months old, as they don’t have that kind of coordination till then. On the other hand, Nisarg is definitely opening and closing his hands when he is hungry. It is not a very proper opening and closing – more like an uncurling of his fingers and curling back – neither does he make a proper fist, nor does he make his fingers completely straight.

It is quite likely that I’m imagining things.

On the other hand, a friend who runs a developmental toys library made an insightful comment when I told her about Nisarg letting me know when he wants to pee. She said, “They are telling us a great many things all through. It is about how observant and intuitive we are.” She thought it was a sign of my sensitivity and attention that I picked up his cues and we had a day without wetting a single diaper.

So I like to think that Nisarg is making the sign for milk. Whether he is actually trying to tell me, or simply hungry and remembers that sign as associated with feeding, I don’t know. He does it quite absently, like he is when he is talking to himself. As opposed to when he coos to us. So I think maybe he remembers the sign when he is hungry, without actually signing for us as such.

I’ll try to shoot a video and post it here, and you guys can tell me what you think.

Update: I tried this time when he did it, and he got distracted and started interacting with me…. So no go. Will try again when he does it.

Categories: baby development, baby sign language, development, infant communication, milestones.

Brillkids – does it work?

November 18, 2009

Recently, a friend asked me about my fascination with the Brillkids softwares. Does it actually work? They ARE very expensive!

The way I look at this is that the Brillkids softwares – both Little Reader and Little Math are tools. How effective they are depends on how well you use them. A committed parent could get more results out of chart paper and marker pens than one who gives up with the Brillkids Little Learner (as they are collectively called).

That said, they are infinitely better than that chart paper and much more convenient than flashcard sets. I’m trying to use flash cards with Nisarg and discovering that it is definitely a skill that takes serious honing. Take for example teaching him about family. What I’m doing is with many members of the family, but for the purposes of this example, lets take just Raka, me and Nisarg.

This resulted in 6 two sided picture and word flash cards. Mother, father and Nisarg in two languages and photos on the other side. Now, this still leaves space for Vidyut, Raka and baby, but that’s more cards. Close relatives I’d like him to learn are at least grandparents, uncle and aunts. Its a logistical nightmare to have physical cards, not to mention learning to flash them at a speed fast enough to lead to effective right brain learning.

That takes me to power point slideshows. At least Mistakes can be corrected painlessly. More than that, I can copy paste stuff to create the slide shows. With the addition of the Open Cards extension, I can flash them quite well too. Much better. There are several slideshows I can download, and creating new ones is easy enough. I can add sound files, so that anyone can show Nisarg his cards without worrying about what to say, when to flip and so on.

The next stage in this journey is the Little Reader. I can add several audio files for a word, several images. So that each time it says Mother, it can speak in a different voice – Raka’s, my mother-in-law’s, mine… and show different photos of me. Entertaining and holds his interest and can be set up really fast for the variety it outputs. Not to mention that I don’t need to create a thing to teach him body parts (for example). The community shares files. I can benefit from someone else’s efforts as others can benefit frommine. 10 people can teach kids 10 things for the effort of one. Plus I can add videos, create playlists and there are even lesson plans that I can simply play directly, when I don’t have the time to invest in planning all that.

I have ended up discovering stuff on some subject by downloading a file for Nisarg.

I am a busy person. This kind of quality and ease of use makes it far more interesting and sustainable in the long term for me.

As for Little Math…. Beats flashcards a million times over. You have to have used the physical number cards to know how awkward they are to handle, let alone “flash”, major learning curve and not particularly exciting for me. Creating cards or powerpoints with quantities to 100….. forget it.

Powerpoint is still good if you can lay your hands on some of the ready files for 100 numbers. Of course Open Cards flashes them for you. If you want to show random cards….. Numbers and dots mixed…. or anything different, you first gotta hunt a file for it, unless you have the patience to create it yourself. In which case, Pleeeease send me a copy?

And Little Math? Hold on to your seat. Show dots, images, customize to use pink panthers and blue trucks, or whatever your child enjoys watching in the place of dots. Show in sequence, randomize, with audio, placed random or in grids, ….. and I haven’t even started talking about equations and fractions and stuff.

So? Does it work? Works for me!

Categories: baby development, learning resource, recommended.

Tips to help baby crawl

November 17, 2009

Okay, so your baby is still not crawling. Maybe he’s 5 months old, or just born….. we are all eager to see them crawl.

Okay, the first thing to realize is that a newborn put on the mother’s stomach will crawl up to suckle (often, if not mostly). So crawling is not that big a difficulty. However, if you are talking about crawling to actually get somewhere significant…. you’re going to soon wish he was getting into less things, but hey, here are some tips anyway.

Put baby on stomach when awake. Really, there is no such thing as too much. Reassure, comfort, pick up, whatever, but if you’re putting the baby down awake, its the stomach that must be down. Really, a baby on the back is rather like a turtle on its shell. How will any crawling happen? Its definitely a learning by doing thing, and doing needs opportunity.
Be excited about it: Be thrilled by the fact that baby is on the stomach. Praise, laugh, get all thrilled, and chances are that baby will think its a good thing after all. A great tool if the baby is still undecided about how this stomach thing is.
Join your baby. On the floor. Yep. Go ahead, crawl yourself, and he may get some ideas.
Use toys and stuff. Your baby may not even seem to notice them, but they have. Babies are smart and quite curious about stuff. He may not seem to show interest initially, but leave him quiet for a bit, and he’ll get all curious about the toy and want to get it. This needs crawling of course.
Acknowledge efforts. Really, praise everything, even if baby has feet in the air. If he feels good about trying rather than feeling burdned by expectations he doesn’t understand, chances are that he’s going to want to spend time investigating this new experience.
Interpret – interpret everything as success.. If baby waves hands and feet, he’s going to end up moving in some direction or the other – fabulous. Cheer!

Use firm surfaces. A soft fluffy something is only going to bunch and absorb all baby’s efforts and discourage him.

Leave arms and feet (particularly) bare and cover torso. This will give more grip to the parts that will push, and more slipperiness to the parts that will slide and make movement easier. Basically, what we are doing is simply creating an opportunity for the baby to discover that moving his limbs on the floor ends up moving his body. Once he gets that, start reorganizing your home to get rid of all baby-non-proof things at floor level…..

Categories: development, milestone, tips.

Baby Signing Time

November 16, 2009

Okay, so I’m on a roll with educational resources for babies. Another absolutely awesome resource dropped into my lap last week. A friend with a grown up baby gave me the first episode of – Its Baby Signing Time!

The idea being that babies develop an awareness about their needs and desires long before they are able to express them. Thus, babies often cry out of frustration, because they are unable to get their needs met.

Teaching them the baby (read very basic) version of sign language empowers them to communicate more fluently with you, thus removing much of the stress of guesswork for both of you.

There is an additional bonus – research shows that children who gesture a lot learn to speak early and develop better mental abilities.

There are supposed to be four episodes, though I’ve seen only one. What we saw, we liked. Nisarg was entranced with the lively music and bright colours. I was entranced with how clearly and charmingly the whole thing has been created. Its literally lessons on sign language woven with music, words, and plenty of practice time. I had never imagined that learning could look so much like a fun video. Nisarg doesn’t understand anything at all, but approves anyway, if his stare and waving limbs are to go by.

He’s still young, but in a month or so, I guess we’ll have all the episodes.

Really, sign language is not just for deaf and dumb children, but for all children who are not able to speak – babies qualify.

Categories: development, infant, learning resource, recommended.

Brillkids to speed up your baby's learning

November 14, 2009

Research increasingly shows that the more information you make accessible to your baby, the faster he or she begins using it. This is particularly true when it comes to language and maths.

Babies this age are more “right brained” – they need to be, if they have to learn to understand people, interaction and express themselves. At this age, perception rules. They are constantly absorbing things they are exposed to, and this particularly holds true for language and mathematics. They can understand entire words or quantities as images, and comprehend them enough that a quantity expressed in different ways, or a word written in different fonts/handwriting is quickly identified as the same quantity or word.

All this is happening even before they learn to speak.

Our current ways of teaching children begin well after the child learns to speak. Children learn to read in school, by when they have already moved beyond the formative years when they can grasp these things intuitively and effortlessly.

As more and more parents discover the value of early orientation to fundamental skills, methods which enable such learning to be fun are becoming popular. Flashcards, story books, sign language, DVDs and such resources add value and maximise ease of use. This also directly results in you being able to be consistent and persistent with your efforts.

Two such programs are from Brillkids – Little Reader and Little Math. They literally take out all the guesswork and tedious labour needed to constantly create learning resources and present them correctly. They have trials for download on their site, and I must say I’m hooked!

The only sorrow is that they don’t work on Linux, which is what my machine is, though I have a little used dual boot with Windows on it, which should be working (at least it worked a year ago). However, if you have a Windows computer, there really is no excuse for not checking out the trial versions of both of these. The trials are free. And if you wish, you can always buy. (aff. link)

PS: One mystery of life was solved as I read their Teaching baby to read ebook. There is a quote from Janet Doman, daughter of Glenn Doman and director of the Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential, “[At school] we are literally trained to read and talk at the same time. And this is not a good way to teach, because when you and I go to read a book, we subvocalize. We actually are talking, and it means we read very, very slowly. [A baby] will just take in the word, and as you teach him to read and he gets to be a better and better reader, he’s not subvocalizing. ” I learned to read very early and was an extremely fast reader, finishing a typical Enid Blyton in an hour and a half flat with distractions and all, could understand “less easy”English like Shakespeare, attempt crosswords and remember pretty much anything I read or was told. The two things I was never able to do were reading aloud and understanding what I was reading at the same time and reading aloud to memorize. The vocalizing probably wrecked my natural learning tempo. This quote explains much!

Categories: learning resource, recommended.

Tips on teaching a baby to clap

November 14, 2009

Oooookay, I think we have cracked the clap code (though not actually clapped), which if you consider that Nisarg is not even 3 months yet, is pretty amazing.

The little guy has figured out that its all about swinging his hands together, but doesn’t yet have the co-ordination to quite make them meet….

If you want to teach your baby to clap, and he just stares back and blows spit bubbles at you, the following tips might help:

Don’t hurry. ENJOY the fun you are having with baby, no matter what it ends up as. Babies sense you enjoying yourself, and it tempts them to enter the action you are leading.
Pick your time. Don’t just pester the poor darling morning and night. The idea is to find a time when baby is alert, awake and quiet.
Talk baby talk with your baby. Get his attention. You want him really looking at you, observing.
Clap with an exaggerated movement (with an obvious swing of your hands). Laugh and share the joke with baby and do more baby talk.
Do this a couple of times, and baby will likely get buzzed enough to wave his hands. Get all excited about that, and clap some more and wait, as though you are fully expecting him to do the same. If baby doesn’t respond, fine. Do something else. Repeating clapping a couple of times, or playfully clapping his hands together will work as interactive fun, but don’t turn it into a lesson. It will not make him clap, if he stops enjoying it.

This is it. The whole session. Praise whatever swings baby makes, and clap in response. Eventually, the little darling is going to figure out how to make the hands meet when he swings them.

Categories: development, infant, infant communication, tips.

Baby weight gain and bonnissan

November 13, 2009

I had written earlier about how Nisarg was having problems with gas and diarrhoea and the doctor had prescribed Bonnisan. Then I wrote about how after just two days, Nisarg had normal baby poop for the first time in his life.

Well…. half a month later, we haven’t had a single loose bowel movement yet, and Nisarg is filling up quite well, with chubbying cheeks and slight hints of plumpness that we associate with babies. I don’t think he’s ever going to be one of those round babies, but hey, he’s healthy, active and putting on weight steadily. He also put on an inch in height – he’s now 22 inches.

I don’t know what he weighs, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s put on a kilo from the last appointment to the next.

Maybe its just regular growth, but I’m of the opinion that the Bonnissan really helped. He just was cranky (for him) and slow to grow since the gas set in till before we started with it.

Categories: Digestion, growth, health, infant, poop, recommended.

Right brain development in infants

November 10, 2009

There is a wealth of information on right brain development in infants and how it can’t be started early enough and resources and all that. Like any other obsessed mother out there, I’m researching ways to entertain him in a manner that stimulates his development, and so far am doing pretty much exactly what came instinctively anyway.

Talking a lot to him, teasing him to win those smiles, carrying him around and showing stuff, making funny faces and exaggerated actions, etc.

The funny part is that the actions get him looking all solemn and puzzled at me when I’d have thought he’d laugh. He looks like he wants to ask “Hey, you okay? You seemed fine a minute ago”

What I’m planning to do:

Flash cards. He still sleeps most of the time, and seems supremely uninterested in the flashcards most of the time. So I guess this is going to be an acquired taste. At the moment, he’ll look at the cards very briefly and mostly look at my face as though trying to figure out what in the world I’m trying to do.
Touch: He gets his massage and bath every day, and we often cuddle at bedtime. Other than that, he loves touch in general. Stroke his head, body, face-but-NOT-nose, and he’s virtually purring. I give him lots of other stuff to touch too – the plastic of his toys – hard, soft, bags…, rubber mat, soft cotton swaddling cloth, other cloth materials, sponge, wood, …. whatever we can lay our hands on
Smell: So far, we like a couple of perfumes and sneeze at frying smells from the kitchen. Vicks , milk and baby powder are at the top.
Movement: I carry him around in my arms, in a sling…. lift him high, dance with him in my arms, … He pretty much enjoys it all indiscriminately
Mimicry: I do all kinds of stuff for him to copy. So far we have managed to stick our tongues out (both imitating me and when told), clap (sort of) and blink. He will suck instead of kiss, and we understand the sign for milk (I like to imagine), but can’t copy. I guess he’s too hungry and small to focus while hungry yet. Thing is, he enjoys all this stuff and is mostly waving arms and feet full power with that undecided half-smile on his face.
Music: He likes most music (other than a couple of really loud songs, and Anup Jalota) Favourites being nursery rhymes in Marathi, and Usha Uthups Karadi Rhymes followed closely by Shakti and Ghulam Ali.

And here I am, saying that I don’t get to do much because he sleeps so much. I guess its more about being aware of how much we are doing.

Categories: development, infant, infant communication, play time, tips.

Teething before 2 months

October 30, 2009

Is Nisarg teething?

Everyone I shared this doubt with thinks I’m nuts. For one, he was born early. For another, he’s not even two months old yet. Its supposed to begin after four months and supposed to be even later for babies who come early.

Since yesterday, he’s been fussy on and off for no apparent reason. I put him down to nap, then he wakes up almost immediately after, except for the night, which so far continues to be blessedly smooth.

He’s suddenly started drooling, biting his fingers and sometimes (rarely) sucking his knuckles. I can see two white bits under the gum where his two lower front teeth could come. I can also feel those teeth with my finger, though they are inside.

To me, it really seems like he’s teething.

Dayum, this motherhood thing is one thing after another. Seems just yesterday I was complaining about not being able to sleep because of backaches from a huge front. Now, I can sleep very well, but am still exhausted. First the birth, then coming home, breastfeeding every two hours, diarrhoea, gas pains, figuring out pee communication, worrying about his weight gain all through and just as I was celebrating two days of a regular healthy infant, its now this teething thing, or something that seems remarkably like it.

Anyone else had a child that teethed this early? Developmentally, he should be counted a month old or something. He’s still very tiny and not on the weight charts for his age at all. I’m just hoping that this doesn’t create a setback in his weight gain….

Categories: development, growth, health, infant, milestone, teething.

Teaching baby to clap

October 28, 2009

Okay, let me say that I tried, and he seems to get it, but I have no clue how it happened.

I noticed that he will try and imitate things I do, so I made faces. He will stick his tongue out when I stick mine out. He will stare at my face when I smile with no intention of copying. He will smile when I raise my eyebrows with no movement other than blinking around his eyes…

Another stage in this saga was me trying to teach him to clap. I clapped my hands when he was paying attention, and he gave me one of those intent stares that make it clear he has no plans of doing any such thing. Small claps make him all puzzled, and ones where I move my hands obviously entertain him, but no go on doing it himself.

Until this morning. Raka had to leave really early, so we woke up around 5am. Imagine my surprise to see Nisarg next to me wide awake, and clapping!!!

Well, they were not real claps. Sometimes the hands came to the center at slightly different times, other times he hit his stomach, still other times, he brought his hands together and clasped them tight. However, there was no doubt that he was trying to clap.

I promptly sat in front of him and clapped without a sound to help him see the movement, and his legs got into the fray, kicking into the air with excitement. He tried once more.

And… that’s it.

We went back to staring at me while I clapped.

Looks like my guy was trying to clap as a part of playing with his hands and didn’t appreciate the distraction of mom teaching something.

Hmmm… so if you’re trying to teach your baby to clap, here is what I suggest you do:

Please share in a comment how you managed to do it.

Categories: development, infant, infant communication, play time.

Elimination communication at 7 weeks old

October 27, 2009

Yesterday, I realized that Nisarg cried for a couple of minutes before peeing, and was able to rush him to the wash basin in time to take a diaper free leak quite a few times. I was thrilled, right until before the MIL told me to call up the doctor. Why is it that the baby is crying when he isn’t even wet yet? He must be in pain.

There went my joy at having successfully conquered the gas pains a couple of days ago. In a panic, I called up the doctor, who was busy, busy again, and again, till I could have reached throught the phone to yank the receptionist’s hair and to tell her that this was an emergency!

Finally, I was able to speak with her, and…. anti-climax. Like so many of my worried calls, this one barely rated a yawn. No, nothing to worry about. Babies do it. He will grow out of it….

Why in the world was everyone acting like this was a bad thing to be concerned about or grown out of?

It looked to me that my baby was telling me clearly that he didn’t like being wet, and was crying in anticipation of the upcoming wet, or to tell me, or from fighting the losing battle to prevent the wet…. In any case, it told me that he needed to take a leak and to provide him with appropriate support. Which is good, right? Isn’t that the direction to grow in in any case?

He’s small. So what? He just doesn’t like being wet.

Just to test, I put a disposable diaper on him, like for the night, and he didn’t cry for hours. Possibly, because it doesn’t let him get uncomfortably wet like the cloth ones. So obviously it wasn’t pain from passing urine.

The other mystery got solved in a flash of insight. Why was he telling us so clearly all of a sudden? I realized that he was telling me all through, but what with the gas making him cry all the time, and my own incompetence with understanding him, I didn’t realize till the Bonnisan drops cured the gas and thus the overtiredness. Once the clutter was removed, the normal crying for communication remained, making it seem like it started suddenly.

This was further “confirmed” when I woke up from a nap to change his diaper. I knew that I had to change his diaper even before the crying registered fully and I awoke. Indeed, he was about to take a leak. So somewhere, unconsciously, I had learned to recognize his “pee” crying.

Wow!!!! It suddenly makes me feel like I understand him so much better.

Update: So much for my excitement. This is actually a method to train babies to potty A reader here, Laurie has shared the following links:

http://www.TimL.com/ipt
http://www.pottywhisperer.com

I’ve read them very briefly, but they seem informative. Looks like Nisarg and I discovered a very good way of learning to toilet train all by ourselves. See, I knew this guy was smart. Thank you Laurie.

Update two: Oops. Looks like “Elimination Communication” is a method too. A friend called it so, and I thought she was just talking about what I was telling her happened with us….

Categories: development, infant, infant communication, potty training.

Communication Development at 7 weeks old?

October 26, 2009

I find myself communicating with Nisarg very easily. He is just 7 weeks old. If I have to look back and see what helped me the most, the single biggest thing was observation. Endless observation. Listening. Endless listening.

I found myself constantly putting myself in his shoes and trying to understand the context of his expressions and sounds. He is less than two months old, but I can confidently tell when he is hungry, tired, in pain, excited, scared, etc. Its less easy for him to understand me, but its clear that he understands a couple of things. The first is the most important – he can count on me. The second is more “provable”. He mimics me. He gets it clearly when I make a face and want him to imitate it. He will often attempt after I say “you try it” or similar.

He astounded his massage woman by consistently sticking his tongue out to say “bye” as she left, since she swaddled him and he can’t wave (not that he can if not swaddled). First couple of days, she and the mother in law thought it was coincidence – “babies stick their tongues out all the time”. Sure. But what if they stick it out after you have stuck yours out when they had their mouths firmly closed? We did it and showed, and we still show our tongue on demand. Will post a video.

So far, he will make an “o” with his lips, stick his tongue out, open his mouth wide (convenient for medicines), and tries but can’t wiggle his brows (he frowns).

On a more useful, but less fun vein, he will cry loudly in a certain way when he wants to pee, hold eye contact and make restless movements with his head to burp, and many other actions that I could write down and anyone can confirm. My husband called me when I’d gone to the shop saying that he was crying and wouldn’t stop – kicking out, arching, pulling up his knees…. was he hungry? What to do? Its a sign of his belief in my understanding Nisarg that he asked when I couldn’t really see or hear him. Just the description was enough. Poor baby had gas stuck. Told Raka to put him down, raise his legs and if that didn’t work, pick him, keep changing positions (from one hand to another, on lap, etc) but always horizontal and with legs in the fetal position.

Raka says the baby was relieved almost immediately. Another instance was when I was cooking and heard Nisarg cry. I yelled for Raka to get him to the wash basin for a pee immediately, and that was that.

And I have plans. Plans to help him share more of his world with me. I’m hoping to establish basic yes/no signals. No is easy, crying or frowning, but the yes can be tricky. He needs to realize that he can approve of something and I will pay attention. Well… maybe in a week or two….

Communication makes life much easier for both mother and child. And its not rocket science. All it takes is patience, experimentation and observation. So here is what you can do the next time your baby is telling you something you can’t understand:

Make a guess. You’d be surprised at how much you have noticed without noticing yourself noticing (couldn’t resist)
Respond based on that guess.
Observe your baby. What was the impact of your response? Did the original behaviour change? Become more specific? End? What happened?
More than the first behaviour and the new one, its the change and when it happened that’s the key.

For example, baby may be staring at your face. You respond by turning so that more light falls on your face. Baby may wave his hand in your direction – so your guess that he was “exploring your face” was correct. I sometimes even praise Nisarg for telling me so clearly when something really “clicks” because of this team work. Or, baby may whimper – okay, wrong guess – what could it be? Could he want something? You could ask him that and it becomes a response. Maybe he wanted attention and talk and he will quiet. Maybe he is hungry and will start crying louder when he sees you doing things, but not what he wants….

Soon, you get really quick with this.

This is the failsafe method for communication development with your baby. Even a couple of hours have the power to transform your relationship, and you don’t have to do anything drastically different from what you do.

Categories: baby development, infant communication, tips.

Bonnisan works miracles with gassy infant!!!

October 25, 2009

Of course I did a whole load of searching on Bonnisan, and then tasted it myself before even showing baby the bottle….

I’d read all kinds of nice things about it, which kind of reassured me, and the taste is nice – similar to gripe water, so initially I didn’t know what the doctor’s big deal about the whole thing was.

I found out for myself within our first day on the medicine. Two doses in, and the gas pains were audibly lower. Baby was sleeping better, more cheerful and eating more.

We are now into our second day and WOW!!! Nisarg is back to the sweet tempered baby he was before this gas nightmare began. He hasn’t pooped all day today after every day since birth being an experience of a constantly pooping bottom. He still has gas, but its much less and he can pass it without going through agony for every fart or spraying poop along with it. His body just seems so limp and relaxed after feedings.

I’d reached the end of my rope with this gas thing, and desperately needed a miracle. Looks like I got one.

If I add my experience with this medicine, with the research I read, I don’t know why doctors don’t simply prescribe this off the bat, or at least at the first sign of trouble. Its a digestive tonic that does so many things. Just Google it. No point having to suffer through my half baked jargon.

Categories: Digestion, development, growth, health, infant, medicines, pain, poop, recommended.

Page 1 of 212 »