Our first tooth at 3 months!!!

I have been busy with a super needy baby for the past couple of days with no time to haunt this blog at all.

He has been fussy and clingy for the past couple of days, which is fine because I enjoy holding him, but sad because he seems so unhappy. I was wondering constantly about what his problem was. If you remember, I’d written a post the over a month ago, when he wasn’t even two months old thinking he was teething. Everyone assured me I was mistaken and that he was too young. Then, it seemed to ease and I believed I was mistaken too about the symptoms.

He’s been super drooly since then and tends to have whiny moods, which too everyone assured me was a part of growing up.

Today, as I looked into his mouth, there it was – a tiny white ridge over a very drooly gum. Its still not out, but its right there. Apparently, it will still take time to come out, and that’s what his discomfort is all about, but I’m glad to know that I did understand his body language correctly.

I feel so helpless sometimes to understand what my little man is trying to tell me.

Signing wave at less than three months?

Okay, I think this guy is a budding signer. But then I think he’s awesome at everything, so….

I’d been showing him the sign for wave (among many other signs). Most of the time, he just stares blankly and there is no way to know if he even is getting anything out of it. Other times, he gives these delighted grins because he likes me making nice, exaggerated actions. Nothing remotely like comprehension.

And then he goes and does something that totally blows me away. I was showing him words on the computer, and when the word wave was read out, he opened his fingers wide. Okay, not what we call a wave, but exactly what happened with milk happened thi time. On some unconscious level, I must have realized he was making that action with regard to “wave”, because I spoke with him as though he was doing it on purpose.

That was just babble.

Then, I was fooling around with him, and I waved my hand around, and he opened his fingers wide again.

Then this morning, when his massage woman was leaving, we do this thing where she says by to him, and I get him to stick his tongue out. He did it. She kept saying “ta-ta”, and nothing.

Later, I was telling my MIL about how I think he signs wave at times, and the minute I said wave, he opened his fingers wide again!!!

Not bad for my smart baby *brag* He will be three months old after two days.

So apparently, he understands the word “wave” and the action as opening his hand (haven’t really seen him waving it), but doesn’t understand its meaning. Doesn’t understand that we wave bye to people – guess why? We’ve never waved bye to people – I only show him the signs – I don’t use them for him….. He also doesn’t understand “ta-ta” is the same as wave.

So, what I need to do is wave hi and bye to people myself for him to see the context for his new trick.

Beautiful morning

Woke up this morning to the music of Nisarg cooing loudly and waving his hands. It was quite clear he was trying to get my attention while I’d been sleeping.

He was hungry. My little sunflower had unfurled for the day, and smiling!!! What a lovely morning.

We had this beautiful feeding time with the early morning sounds of birds in the jamun tree outside. Nature indeed welcoming Nisarga into the day. All done, we both rolled back into bed and slept for another couple of hours all cuddled up.

These days he has discovered that he can make sounds to get our attention, so the crying is becoming even less (he wasn’t much of a crier to begin with) and we hear these really loud shouts “aaaae”

It is music to a mother’s heart to hear her son “call” her instead of crying helplessly. My little boy is growing!

How much teaching is too much?

In my eagerness to create the best world for my baby, I haunt online places for growth and development regularly. Forums are some of these. A common factor I find in these places is how much parents get their children to do. A real life friend of mine has a son who does a whole load of things – music, dance, chess, football, tennis, advanced mathematics, 5 languages ……

It makes me pity todays child who gets objectified into the canvas of the parent’s ambition. Sure, the modern thinking is to make learning fun. Yet, at the end of a day in Disney world, I do get tired. In the case of this friend, they speak Hindi, Marathi and English at home. In addition to that, she “exposes” him to French and German. And she is not alone. I hear echoes all over the forums for parent discussions.

I’ve noticed that there is a lot of attention paid to teaching babies second and third languages, etc. It makes sense if you speak those. For example, English, Marathi, Hindi and Kannada are spoken in our home, so baby will eventually end up understanding and communicating in them all. Or I can understand a family not usually speaking English at home making efforts to speak it around their child and supplementing it with lessons or other “exposure”. But why would I make such huge efforts to teach a language I don’t even know myself? What’s the point? How is it functional for communication?

The way I imagine things panning out is that as long as I can sustain exposure to the sources of the alien language, the baby will acclimatize to it. Once he is older and the exposure stops or fades when other more relevant and immediate learning and time needs come in, the “use it or lose it” will happen anyway. I don’t think that teaching for the first couple of years a language the child doesn’t get anything done from using (considering how daily contact is not in it, making it dysfunctional for communication most of the time) is going to keep the language alive in his mind for life. So then why?

Also, I’m looking at the impact of our overambition on our children. Whether we make it play or not, it is a constant bombardment of stimulation. If I have to expose my child to language, maths, sign language, creative activities, physical play, ….. when is the time to stand and stare?

I’m a very laid back person and do a huge amount of stuff naturally with Nisarga. Not much fazes me. But I get the jitters thinking of exposing a child to a “learning environment”, labeling it fun and making him accept all these alien things. And I hate the word exposing – you expose objects. People should have the respect of being offered a choice – you introduce, suggest…. Give respect, get respect. Youd child is learning more from how you are with him than he is from what you do with him.

But then, my idea of parenting is very attachment not only in the advertised manner, but emotionally too. I am perfectly okay with the baby clinging to me all the time, not being friendly with new people he meets, developing in his initial years with constants shared with his most trusted people. I find it a strange world where we make our kids independent when they are dependent, and then when they are exerting their independence as they grow up (teens onwards), we wish they would be closer to us. Plain unnatural. Ever heard of a baby needing to be taught to want closeness and safety of its mother/other close people? It is the “teaching to be social” and forced entry to the unfamiliar that breaks those bonds before they are ready to stretch. Once the child is vulnerable in a new situation and grows up fast to cope, what do they need the emotional side of their parent for?

You objectify the child, and the child slowly starts seeing you as a facility rather than person.

Ever heard of a baby needing to be taught to want closeness and safety of its mother/other close people? It is the “teaching to be social” and forced entry to the unfamiliar that breaks those bonds before they are ready to stretch. Once the child is vulnerable in a new situation and grows up fast to cope, what do they need the emotional side of their parent for?

You objectify the child, and the child slowly starts seeing you as a facility rather than person.

I’m aware a lot of my personal value judgments influence how I see this issue, but I find it remarkably like training a circus lion to jump through a flaming loop. Sure, a good trainer will make it fun, but a child needs to absorb the familarity of the “trusted” and the okayness of shying away from the “other” to be emotionally anchored in his own self-worth.

If a majority of the attention, enjoyment and appreciation a child gets is to teach something or the other or for health, etc. I am enabling an unfortunate belief in the child. I am important when I learn things. I am important when I do more and more things. I believe that if I do it too much, I will cause Nisarga to stop enjoying anything that doesn’t involve doing something, learning something or embracing every new challenge coming his way.

I think an important part of Nisarga’s upbringing is to be picking and choosing. What is immediately necessary is a priority. All else is a choice, and preferrably led by him. The day he shows curiosity about how different people in the world communicate if not in the languages he knows, is the day I’ll “expose” him to what they sound like, and if it interests him, we can take things from there. Otherwise, I’ll be happy knowing that we can communicate well with each other, and he can express himself and comprehend the world around him enough to be functional (self-sufficient is something he can decide for himself). Functional being defined by him being okay with the state of things.

If we move to France and he feels alone, I might help him learn French as a way of communicating with people. Otherwise, I’ll wait for him to show interest. If he doesn’t, that’s fine too. It will be one language more in a list of infinite languages that he doesn’t know. Big deal!

What I’m curious about is where do you as a parent draw the line? How much is too much?

How do we manage our desires and dreams with respect for the individuality of our child?

Two month old using sign language

Okay, Nisarg is definitely using sign language. I’d thought so earlier.

Since then, he’s signed “milk” a couple of times more. I’d been trying to get a video, but he does it rather absently, and when I approach with my phone in hand, he starts interacting with me, waving and sucking his fist. Finally, I was able to capture the tail end of it as he got hungry when my mother-in-law was holding him….. Its not very clear, he does it just once, but check out his right hand. He was doing it with both when I came close and stopped

Things got ugly real fast after I shot this. We had a crying session. I guess he didn’t appreciate me just sitting there watching him when I could feed him.

He does it quite well. Maybe I’ll get a better video in a day or two.

Two month old signing milk?

Okay, its likely that I’m over reacting, but twice (for sure, and once unsure) since yesterday evening, we’ve seen Nisarg opening and closing his fist deliberately – the sign for milk. Both times I responded by offering to feed him, and he was hungry and fed well.

I show him the baby signing time video often because its bright and has music and stuff. He enjoys the music, and watches on and off. I had never thought he was paying attention. Perhaps he isn’t. I also do the sign for milk while I’m feeding him. That is something he definitely notices, as he is always looking intently at me as he feeds. I think he has realized that the sign for milk is accompanied by or followed by a feed.

Now, the question is if this is a coincidence or deliberate?

Everything I’ve read about baby sign language indicates that babies don’t start signing till they are 6 months old, as they don’t have that kind of coordination till then. On the other hand, Nisarg is definitely opening and closing his hands when he is hungry. It is not a very proper opening and closing – more like an uncurling of his fingers and curling back – neither does he make a proper fist, nor does he make his fingers completely straight.

It is quite likely that I’m imagining things.

On the other hand, a friend who runs a developmental toys library made an insightful comment when I told her about Nisarg letting me know when he wants to pee. She said, “They are telling us a great many things all through. It is about how observant and intuitive we are.” She thought it was a sign of my sensitivity and attention that I picked up his cues and we had a day without wetting a single diaper.

So I like to think that Nisarg is making the sign for milk. Whether he is actually trying to tell me, or simply hungry and remembers that sign as associated with feeding, I don’t know. He does it quite absently, like he is when he is talking to himself. As opposed to when he coos to us. So I think maybe he remembers the sign when he is hungry, without actually signing for us as such.

I’ll try to shoot a video and post it here, and you guys can tell me what you think.

Update: I tried this time when he did it, and he got distracted and started interacting with me…. So no go. Will try again when he does it.

Brillkids – does it work?

Recently, a friend asked me about my fascination with the Brillkids softwares. Does it actually work? They ARE very expensive!

The way I look at this is that the Brillkids softwares – both Little Reader and Little Math are tools. How effective they are depends on how well you use them. A committed parent could get more results out of chart paper and marker pens than one who gives up with the Brillkids Little Learner (as they are collectively called).

That said, they are infinitely better than that chart paper and much more convenient than flashcard sets. I’m trying to use flash cards with Nisarg and discovering that it is definitely a skill that takes serious honing. Take for example teaching him about family. What I’m doing is with many members of the family, but for the purposes of this example, lets take just Raka, me and Nisarg.

This resulted in 6 two sided picture and word flash cards. Mother, father and Nisarg in two languages and photos on the other side. Now, this still leaves space for Vidyut, Raka and baby, but that’s more cards. Close relatives I’d like him to learn are at least grandparents, uncle and aunts. Its a logistical nightmare to have physical cards, not to mention learning to flash them at a speed fast enough to lead to effective right brain learning.

That takes me to power point slideshows. At least Mistakes can be corrected painlessly. More than that, I can copy paste stuff to create the slide shows. With the addition of the Open Cards extension, I can flash them quite well too. Much better. There are several slideshows I can download, and creating new ones is easy enough. I can add sound files, so that anyone can show Nisarg his cards without worrying about what to say, when to flip and so on.

The next stage in this journey is the Little Reader. I can add several audio files for a word, several images. So that each time it says Mother, it can speak in a different voice – Raka’s, my mother-in-law’s, mine… and show different photos of me. Entertaining and holds his interest and can be set up really fast for the variety it outputs. Not to mention that I don’t need to create a thing to teach him body parts (for example). The community shares files. I can benefit from someone else’s efforts as others can benefit frommine. 10 people can teach kids 10 things for the effort of one. Plus I can add videos, create playlists and there are even lesson plans that I can simply play directly, when I don’t have the time to invest in planning all that.

I have ended up discovering stuff on some subject by downloading a file for Nisarg.

I am a busy person. This kind of quality and ease of use makes it far more interesting and sustainable in the long term for me.

As for Little Math…. Beats flashcards a million times over. You have to have used the physical number cards to know how awkward they are to handle, let alone “flash”, major learning curve and not particularly exciting for me. Creating cards or powerpoints with quantities to 100….. forget it.

Powerpoint is still good if you can lay your hands on some of the ready files for 100 numbers. Of course Open Cards flashes them for you. If you want to show random cards….. Numbers and dots mixed…. or anything different, you first gotta hunt a file for it, unless you have the patience to create it yourself. In which case, Pleeeease send me a copy?

And Little Math? Hold on to your seat. Show dots, images, customize to use pink panthers and blue trucks, or whatever your child enjoys watching in the place of dots. Show in sequence, randomize, with audio, placed random or in grids, ….. and I haven’t even started talking about equations and fractions and stuff.

So? Does it work? Works for me!

Tips to help baby crawl

Okay, so your baby is still not crawling. Maybe he’s 5 months old, or just born….. we are all eager to see them crawl.

Okay, the first thing to realize is that a newborn put on the mother’s stomach will crawl up to suckle (often, if not mostly). So crawling is not that big a difficulty. However, if you are talking about crawling to actually get somewhere significant…. you’re going to soon wish he was getting into less things, but hey, here are some tips anyway.

Put baby on stomach when awake. Really, there is no such thing as too much. Reassure, comfort, pick up, whatever, but if you’re putting the baby down awake, its the stomach that must be down. Really, a baby on the back is rather like a turtle on its shell. How will any crawling happen? Its definitely a learning by doing thing, and doing needs opportunity.
Be excited about it: Be thrilled by the fact that baby is on the stomach. Praise, laugh, get all thrilled, and chances are that baby will think its a good thing after all. A great tool if the baby is still undecided about how this stomach thing is.
Join your baby. On the floor. Yep. Go ahead, crawl yourself, and he may get some ideas.
Use toys and stuff. Your baby may not even seem to notice them, but they have. Babies are smart and quite curious about stuff. He may not seem to show interest initially, but leave him quiet for a bit, and he’ll get all curious about the toy and want to get it. This needs crawling of course.
Acknowledge efforts. Really, praise everything, even if baby has feet in the air. If he feels good about trying rather than feeling burdned by expectations he doesn’t understand, chances are that he’s going to want to spend time investigating this new experience.
Interpret – interpret everything as success.. If baby waves hands and feet, he’s going to end up moving in some direction or the other – fabulous. Cheer!

Use firm surfaces. A soft fluffy something is only going to bunch and absorb all baby’s efforts and discourage him.

Leave arms and feet (particularly) bare and cover torso. This will give more grip to the parts that will push, and more slipperiness to the parts that will slide and make movement easier. Basically, what we are doing is simply creating an opportunity for the baby to discover that moving his limbs on the floor ends up moving his body. Once he gets that, start reorganizing your home to get rid of all baby-non-proof things at floor level…..

Baby Signing Time

Okay, so I’m on a roll with educational resources for babies. Another absolutely awesome resource dropped into my lap last week. A friend with a grown up baby gave me the first episode of – Its Baby Signing Time!

The idea being that babies develop an awareness about their needs and desires long before they are able to express them. Thus, babies often cry out of frustration, because they are unable to get their needs met.

Teaching them the baby (read very basic) version of sign language empowers them to communicate more fluently with you, thus removing much of the stress of guesswork for both of you.

There is an additional bonus – research shows that children who gesture a lot learn to speak early and develop better mental abilities.

There are supposed to be four episodes, though I’ve seen only one. What we saw, we liked. Nisarg was entranced with the lively music and bright colours. I was entranced with how clearly and charmingly the whole thing has been created. Its literally lessons on sign language woven with music, words, and plenty of practice time. I had never imagined that learning could look so much like a fun video. Nisarg doesn’t understand anything at all, but approves anyway, if his stare and waving limbs are to go by.

He’s still young, but in a month or so, I guess we’ll have all the episodes.

Really, sign language is not just for deaf and dumb children, but for all children who are not able to speak – babies qualify.

Brillkids to speed up your baby's learning

Research increasingly shows that the more information you make accessible to your baby, the faster he or she begins using it. This is particularly true when it comes to language and maths.

Babies this age are more “right brained” – they need to be, if they have to learn to understand people, interaction and express themselves. At this age, perception rules. They are constantly absorbing things they are exposed to, and this particularly holds true for language and mathematics. They can understand entire words or quantities as images, and comprehend them enough that a quantity expressed in different ways, or a word written in different fonts/handwriting is quickly identified as the same quantity or word.

All this is happening even before they learn to speak.

Our current ways of teaching children begin well after the child learns to speak. Children learn to read in school, by when they have already moved beyond the formative years when they can grasp these things intuitively and effortlessly.

As more and more parents discover the value of early orientation to fundamental skills, methods which enable such learning to be fun are becoming popular. Flashcards, story books, sign language, DVDs and such resources add value and maximise ease of use. This also directly results in you being able to be consistent and persistent with your efforts.

Two such programs are from Brillkids – Little Reader and Little Math. They literally take out all the guesswork and tedious labour needed to constantly create learning resources and present them correctly. They have trials for download on their site, and I must say I’m hooked!

The only sorrow is that they don’t work on Linux, which is what my machine is, though I have a little used dual boot with Windows on it, which should be working (at least it worked a year ago). However, if you have a Windows computer, there really is no excuse for not checking out the trial versions of both of these. The trials are free. And if you wish, you can always buy. (aff. link)

PS: One mystery of life was solved as I read their Teaching baby to read ebook. There is a quote from Janet Doman, daughter of Glenn Doman and director of the Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential, “[At school] we are literally trained to read and talk at the same time. And this is not a good way to teach, because when you and I go to read a book, we subvocalize. We actually are talking, and it means we read very, very slowly. [A baby] will just take in the word, and as you teach him to read and he gets to be a better and better reader, he’s not subvocalizing. ” I learned to read very early and was an extremely fast reader, finishing a typical Enid Blyton in an hour and a half flat with distractions and all, could understand “less easy”English like Shakespeare, attempt crosswords and remember pretty much anything I read or was told. The two things I was never able to do were reading aloud and understanding what I was reading at the same time and reading aloud to memorize. The vocalizing probably wrecked my natural learning tempo. This quote explains much!

Nisarga

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