If you call me evil, I will believe you

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November 24, 2009

This post explores my thoughts around our own unconscious processes and desires, and looks at their impact on children, who are literally absorbing everything we say as the whole truth. It is based on an earlier email to a group forum I no longer haunt, so some of it may seem a little “context specific”. I think this subject is an extremely important one for parents to explore, so do bear with me, and read on to the end.

Want to share something I have learned endlessly from, and was recently reminded about by a post from Rahul.
Its the “shadow aspect”. Its a Jungian funda.
The formal descriptions and theories can be found all over the net. That is, if anyone is obsessed with psychology.
Otherwise, to make a long story short, “we cannot comprehend what we don’t have a mental scale for”. So, if you think I’m mean, its basically because there is meanness in you. If you think I’m a grnius, its because there is a genius in you. And so on.
How is this relevant to our lives?
There are aspects of ourselves we are aware of, and others we are not. The ones we are not are our shadow, and it contains the baggage of a whole load of “shoulds” (among other things). So, if I’m told, I shouldn’t be dishonest, I don’t “register” my dishonest behaviour, and think of myself as honest. However, there is unconscious unease around this, and when I see dishonesty in the world, I criticize it. Similarly, if I’ve been taught to be modest, I will see the genius in others without being able to acknowledge it in myself.
What disturbs us the most is what we suppress the most in ourselves. This process of seeing disowned aspects of ourselves in others is referred to as projection. Essentially everything we perceive is a projection. Every quality we understand exists within us. Violence existed in the Mahatma. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have understood it and had such a strong response to it. So its not always bad either.
Ooookay, I’m really skimming over a lot and maybe I’ll elaborate later when I have more time, but I want to bring up its significance in parenting/schooling.
We project a lot of things on people all the time. For example, someone may simply be stating a perspective, but when I speak like that, I’m usually avoiding something, so I see that person as avoiding something, while taking pride in myself (indeed feeling quite superior) that I am very direct. Usually, when something like this happens, there arises conflict on a conscious or unconscious level – check out the threads between Clive and Rahul and Clive and myself. Both sides have their own projections and righteous indignation at being misunderstood by the other.
We also project on our children, when we see them as naughty, rebellious, lazy, etc. Unfortunately, unlike in the case of two adults, the balance of power in an adult-child relationship is quite unequal. An adult can easily override a child’s defenses. This can and does result in unintentional “abuse” if we are not sensitive to our impact, if we end up holding the child responsible for something s/he never intended.
Example scenario: Child engrossed with cartoons. Uninterested in tidying up his room. Labelled lazy, careless, disobedient, etc. Fact of life for said child being cartoon is interesting in this moment in time. However, it is extremely difficult for the child to be able to manage his own dignity when a parent bears down in righteous anger. Truth being that parent having a habit of using entertainment to procrastinate, makes an unconscious assumption that child is doing the same, and proceeds accordingly.
So, now what?
Firstly, its important to remember that no one exists without a shadow. So, you are not evil for having one. The objective of shadow work is not about eliminating it, but understanding its impact and working to decrease the power of some of the most dysfunctional aspects. Second is working to become aware of “hot spots” in our shadow and bring them to consciousness. Often, this is plenty to change behaviour.
Some “tools”/exercises:
Split a page vertically in half and make lists – “I am” and “I am not”. I’ve described this exercise in detail on my blog, so simply pasting the link and saving myself a lot of typing. Here
Make a list of “I am” show it around to people and ask for suggestions as to what you could add to your list – their contributions is literally a list of your shadow aspects.
Using language that helps you own your projections. Percept language “I see my goodness/cruelty/stylishness/impatience/etc in you” or “I see the cruelty (etc) in me, in you” or “I think you are being very graceful, because I think I’m graceful when I act like this”
Recognizing that we generate our responses to situations and acknowledging that: “I make myself angry when I see you watching cartoons.” in the place of “You make me so angry when you do this” or “I make myself delighted when I watch my son play”
Examining and embracing in ourselves what we criticize the most “I hate injustice” – I do ignore myself being unjust.
Examining and accepting in ourselves what we would like to deny the loudest “I am NOT angry” – I am angry.
Examining strong labels we bring into a conversation. Who was the first person to bring in the word “insensitive” in this discussion? What were the strong labels I contributed to this conversation? etc
When there is an observation about ourselves “I think you felt defensive when he said….” that we would like to reject “No, I didn’t feel defensive”. Leave a possibility open that others may be providing an insight into our shadow “I’m not aware of feeling defensive, but I accept that you perceived me as that”. Often simply leaving that possibility open widens the doors of our awareness.
Shadow is essentially a phenomenon of our unconscious mind. Thus, forget it if you think you can discover your shadow through self-examination, meditation, reflection, etc. You can’t yourself access what you are unconscious of – you don’t know what to access and it will NEVER stand out to you. You will never be able to work with your shadow without feedback. The more you invite, seek, observe perceptions about yourself, the more of your shadow will be revealed.
I would like to invite insights from others, what do you think, how have you experienced the impact of shadow in your life, what are the ways you use to work with expanding awareness of previously unknown areas of self….
Unconscious processes are an area of psychology I have tremendous respect for, as it is impossible to bullshit what you don’t even know exists. I have found these insights into myself the most difficult to cope with (who likes reaching an acceptance that they are cruel?)
Thank you for listening to something this close to my heart about self-development, discovery and acceptance.

Want to share something I have learned endlessly from, and was recently reminded about by a post from Rahul.

Its the “shadow aspect”. Its a Jungian funda.

The formal descriptions and theories can be found  all over the net. That is, if anyone is obsessed with psychology.

Otherwise, to make a long story short, “we cannot comprehend what we don’t have a mental scale for”. So, if you think I’m mean, its basically because there is meanness in you. If you think I’m a grnius, its because there is a genius in you. And so on.

How is this relevant to our lives?

There are aspects of ourselves we are aware of, and others we are not. The ones we are not are our shadow, and it contains the baggage of a whole load of “shoulds” (among other things). So, if I’m told, I shouldn’t be dishonest, I don’t “register” my dishonest behaviour, and think of myself as honest. However, there is unconscious unease around this as the unacknowledged in us piles up, and to relieve it I see dishonesty in the world and criticize it. Similarly, if I’ve been taught to be modest, I will see the genius or glamour in others without being able to acknowledge it in myself.

What disturbs, awes, or in any other way impacts us the most is what we suppress the most in ourselves. This process of seeing disowned aspects of ourselves in others is referred to as projection. Essentially everything we perceive is a projection. Every quality we understand exists within us. Violence existed in the Mahatma. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have understood it and had such a strong response to it. So its not always bad either.

Ooookay, I’m really skimming over a lot and maybe I’ll elaborate later when I have more time, but I want to bring up its significance in parenting/schooling, which is something few people realize.

We project a lot of things on people all the time. For example, someone may simply be stating a perspective, but when I speak like that, I’m usually avoiding something, so I see that person as avoiding something, while taking pride in myself (indeed feeling quite superior) that I am very direct. Usually, when something like this happens, there arises conflict on a conscious or unconscious level. End result, mutual dislike. If we are projecting all the time, we just become unpopular. However, when we do it with kids, the kid can’t afford to hate you, and the kid doesn’t have more “power than you” to win….

We project on our children, when we see them as naughty, rebellious, lazy, etc. Unfortunately, unlike in the case of two adults, the balance of power in an adult-child relationship is quite unequal. An adult can easily override a child’s defenses. This can and does result in unintentional “emotional abuse” if we are not sensitive to our impact, if we end up holding the child responsible for something s/he never intended, for example:

Many of us use entertainment for procrastination. There is this child who loves cartoons, and when we see him engrossed watching them, we unconsciously search for “work” he should be doing (since that is our method), and see him as using the cartoons to avoid that work. This goes to extents where we may even assume he is avoiding work, without even knowing what duties he has left incomplete; or get irritated if we find he has done everything he is supposed to, so that we don’t find the “evidence of his laziness” we are unconsciously searching for. So far, so good.

We proceed to give the poor child a lecture about laziness and getting his work done first. Then dad comes home. Finds said kid watching cartoons and asked if he’s finished homework. Then some random relative sees kid watching cartoons and comments on how kids waste time in front of TV and ignore studies. And so on. Poor kid is unable to verbalize something as complex and simple as – I find the cartoons interesting. The rest of my villainy exists in your head, not mine. Various reasons – kids find it difficult to express such stuff, contradicting adults already not happy with you, adults not willing to acknowledge that all that bad stuff belongs to them….. kids are dependent on adults and quite powerless in front of them and unable to “prove their innocence”.

This conflict can’t last long with such unequal power.

Eventually they “figure out” that they indeed did it purposely and that they are bad when they do it.

This is happening all the time with kids. Its part of being a kid and somewhat functional too. In fact, positive reinforcement is another way projections create an image in a child. “He is so clever” leads to a child believing he really is clever and leads to being like that, which is desirable, though too much of it can result in severe damage (and it does, with suicides after exam results, for example) when those beliefs are shattered. Sometimes, kids told that they are clever could also feel like frauds “They all think I’m smart, and I’m going to flunk this exam” and feel tremendous pressure to “live up” to people’s beliefs about them to maintain being loved, as they start associating all their value as a person with this incongruence they experience. This is also why its important to acknowledge and appreciate children freely for their emotional well-being.

All this is natural. We all went through this, and it is not possible to separate it from childhood (or indeed, life). However, being aware of these things helps us understand our own impact and moderate it if we think it distresses our child.

So, now what?

Firstly, its important to remember that no one exists without a shadow. So, you are not evil for having one. The objective of shadow work is not about eliminating it, but understanding its impact and working to decrease the power of some of the most dysfunctional aspects. Second is working to become aware of “hot spots” in our shadow and bring them to consciousness. Often, this is plenty to change behaviour, since the minute you are conscious, its not unconscious.

Some “tools”/exercises:

  • Split a page vertically in half and make lists – “I am” and “I am not”. I’ve described this exercise in detail elsewhere, so simply pasting the link and saving myself a lot of typing. Here
  • Make a list of “I am” show it around to people and ask for suggestions as to what you could add to your list – their contributions is literally a list of your shadow aspects.
  • Using language that helps you own your projections. Percept language “I see my goodness/cruelty/stylishness/impatience/etc in you” or “I see the cruelty (etc) in me, in you” or “I think you are being very graceful, because I think I’m graceful when I act like this”
  • Recognizing that we generate our responses to situations and acknowledging that: “I make myself angry when I see you watching cartoons.” in the place of “You make me so angry when you do this” or “I make myself delighted when I watch my son play”
  • Examining and embracing in ourselves what we criticize the most “I hate injustice” – I do ignore myself being unjust.
  • Examining and accepting in ourselves what we would like to deny the loudest “I am NOT angry” – I am angry.
  • Examining strong labels we bring into a conversation. Who was the first person to bring in the word “insensitive” in this discussion? What were the strong labels I contributed to this conversation? etc
  • When there is an observation about ourselves “I think you felt defensive when he said….” that we would like to reject “No, I didn’t feel defensive”. Leave a possibility open that others may be providing an insight into our shadow “I’m not aware of feeling defensive, but I accept that you perceived me as that”. Often simply leaving that possibility open widens the doors of our awareness.
  • Shadow is essentially a phenomenon of our unconscious mind. Thus, forget it if you think you can discover your shadow through self-examination, meditation, reflection, etc. You can’t yourself access what you are unconscious of – you don’t know what to access and it will NEVER stand out to you. You will not be able to work easily with your shadow without feedback. The more you invite, seek, observe perceptions about yourself, the more of your shadow will be revealed.

I would like to invite insights from others, what do you think, how have you experienced the impact of shadow in your life, what are the ways you use to work with expanding awareness of previously unknown areas of self….

Unconscious processes are an area of psychology I have tremendous respect for, as it is impossible to bullshit what you don’t even know exists. I have found these insights into myself the most difficult to cope with (who likes reaching an acceptance that they are cruel?)

Thank you for listening to something this close to my heart about self-development, discovery and acceptance.

Categories: Uncategorized.

Using the dropper to give medicine – correct method?

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November 23, 2009
Infant drops rarely make that extra effort to make make administration easier

Infant drops rarely make that extra effort to make make administration easier

This is a new experience in life. Using a dropper to give medicine. I always keep second guessing myself, and my methods of delivery. I guess it doesn’t matter so much if you are giving something like Bonnisan, for example, but if you are giving a medicine where you don’t want an overdose because of side effects, or underdose because you want it to be effective, like my recent experience with Atarax, it becomes important to be very exact about how much you are giving your little baby. With them having such tiny bodies, I guess the scope for getting out of the margin of the dose for their weight is quite narrow.

Also notice how life has a way to see that the most inexperienced mothers naturally have babies who need to be dosed in small and careful quantities. By the time your child is big enough for it not to matter much whether you give a dropper or half a desert spoon, you already are an expert.

Here are the ways I tried, and the problems/difficulties I faced with them…..

  1. The obvious – drops from the dropper straight into the mouth. This clearly is the best way to go about doing it, and works wonderfully with stuff that tastes good. Particularly when Nisarga happily opens his mouth when told or when he sees a spoon or dropper coming near. When it comes to medicine that Nisarga doesn’t like, there is no way he will voluntarily open his mouth for more drops. Then it comes down to a struggle to force his mouth open, which if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I hate to do. I will, if I must, but I prefer hunting around for better ways. Not to mention that Nisarga loses patience with this method quickly even when he likes the taste.
  2. Using the dropper to put the correct number of drops into a spoon (+1 drop) and then giving him the whole dose in one go. Works best so far, but kind of negates the convenience of the dropper. I add that one drop because when I give Nisarga the medicine, I’ve seen that a small amount remains in the spoon, which looks about as much as one drop.
  3. Seeing how much the desired number of drops fill the dropper by filling it and dropping the medicine back into the bottle, and then simply filling the dropper to the exact level and squirting the lot in at one go. This is time consuming, but works fairly well. And once I know how much it is, I don’t need to repeat the experimentation every time (though I do “recheck” once in a while to make sure that things are indeed as I remember them)
  4. Buying a separate dropper with quantities marked on it and converting number of drops to ml that can be measured directly with the dropper. Now, this is a proper set up and not as simple as it sounds, because it immediately means that I have to clean that dropper regularly, store it correctly, and remove the plastic dropper plugs on some medicines (like Bonnisan and Atarax, for example) to enable me to be quick when it comes to giving them to him. This means, that if I lose those plastic plugs, I can’t go back to dropping straight from the bottle. However, this is the best in ensuring that he gets absolutely the correct dose.

Dang, maybe I’m over-thinking this.

What about you? Do you wonder about these things? What do you do to ensure that your baby gets the medicine exactly as prescribed?

Categories: Methods.

Tags: , , ,

Do you suffer from infant crying fear?

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November 22, 2009

It is quite easily accepted these days to immediately attend to a crying infant. However, some don’t and it has nothing to do with the infant and everything to do with what the crying does to us…. Here are some incidents from our family.

Let me begin with saying that sheer over-exposure has made me not be too concerned with everyday crying and see it more as communication, but one night of inconsolable screaming can reduce me to begging, bribing, running to “God” (pediatrician)….

My father owns outright that he can’t bear to see Nisarga cry. When Nisarga was a couple of days old, he was hovering over my shoulder begging me not to tie him so “tightly”, and make him cry… I was like, hey, this isn’t tight. Watch him get his hands out in two minutes flat. And he kept talking over my shoulder all through, pleading on behalf of this little screamer as though I was out to do him deliberate harm and was intentionally making him cry. Talk about co-piloting motherhood.

Raka approaches crying like the UN negotiating a peace deal. He will pretty much talk outrageously submissive, offer all kinds of options for his son, if only he will agree to peace…. If that doesn’t work, he decides Nisarg wants his mom and hands him over like he is a lethal weapon.He has even put the crying infant down a couple of times rather than hold him till I come.

When Raka’s mom hears the baby cry, she tells me to first calm him down…. as though I’m letting him cry on purpose if I can stop it easily? lol. This is the woman who used to tell me that babies shouldn’t get picked up every time they cry….. that was before her precious grandson was born :D

I think the only one of us who is really anchored in reality is my mom. She meets him rarely, but she sees his crying exactly for what it is. Something is not okay at this moment for him. No panic, nothing. Unsurprisingly, he never cries with her (so far).

So, what are your stories? How does your baby’s crying shake the people who love him?

Categories: Daily Life, Humour.

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What does oiling of babies head have to do with closing of fontanelle

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November 21, 2009

No, really!

Nisarga has a rash on his face. He had it earlier, and I told the massage woman to stop using oil on his head and face. It cleared. Once it cleared, everyone ganged up together to insist that he will not thrive unless his head is oiled regularly, particularly the fontanelle. That’s plain ridiculous. The fontanelle has a time frame in which it closes. That is that.

These are some facts that you can share with people you know.

  • The fontanelle closes around 18 months or a year and a half depending on whether you oil it or not.
  • This, coincidentally (or not) is also around the time the size of the head slows in growth.
  • Oily skin is prone to rashes and pimples. Ask your teenager, wife, sister, anyone who struggles with pimples.
  • Most of the time, washing the baby gently means that the oil is not properly removed from the scalp, and that’s plain bad news for the baby’s skin.
  • A baby’s hair will grow whether you oil it or not. Have you seen any naturally bald four year olds?
  • Coconut oil does nothing to improve your baby’s intelligence. You using your reasoning skills and setting the example does.
  • For that matter, oil is also not essential for the body. Does nothing for the bones. It is good because the massage is good, and you can’t massage all that much without using something for the friction. The choice is really to use the least irritating oil, and that should be good.

Like I said before, I’ve asked the maalish woman to stop, Stop, STOP using oil on his face and head. Unfortunately, she has the support of the husband and mother-in-law. Babies get all kinds of rashes is not a good enough answer for me, particularly when said rashes magically vanish once the head oiling stops.

Tomorrow is the big war (imagine suitable dramatic music). I exert the supreme authority I have over the baby from being its mother. The head oiling has to go, or the woman goes.

Stay tuned for the next episode post the great confrontation.

Categories: traditions.

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Beautiful morning

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November 21, 2009

Woke up this morning to the music of Nisarg cooing loudly and waving his hands. It was quite clear he was trying to get my attention while I’d been sleeping.

He was hungry. My little sunflower had unfurled for the day, and smiling!!! What a lovely morning.

We had this beautiful feeding time with the early morning sounds of birds in the jamun tree outside. Nature indeed welcoming Nisarga into the day. All done, we both rolled back into bed and slept for another couple of hours all cuddled up.

These days he has discovered that he can make sounds to get our attention, so the crying is becoming even less (he wasn’t much of a crier to begin with) and we hear these really loud shouts “aaaae”

It is music to a mother’s heart to hear her son “call” her instead of crying helplessly. My little boy is growing!

Categories: development, infant communication.

How much teaching is too much?

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November 21, 2009

In my eagerness to create the best world for my baby, I haunt online places for growth and development regularly. Forums are some of these. A common factor I find in these places is how much parents get their children to do. A real life friend of mine has a son who does a whole load of things – music, dance, chess, football, tennis, advanced mathematics, 5 languages ……

It makes me pity todays child who gets objectified into the canvas of the parent’s ambition. Sure, the modern thinking is to make learning fun. Yet, at the end of a day in Disney world, I do get tired. In the case of this friend, they speak Hindi, Marathi and English at home. In addition to that, she “exposes” him to French and German. And she is not alone. I hear echoes all over the forums for parent discussions.

I’ve noticed that there is a lot of attention paid to teaching babies second and third languages, etc. It makes sense if you speak those. For example, English, Marathi, Hindi and Kannada are spoken in our home, so baby will eventually end up understanding and communicating in them all. Or I can understand a family not usually speaking English at home making efforts to speak it around their child and supplementing it with lessons or other “exposure”. But why would I make such huge efforts to teach a language I don’t even know myself? What’s the point? How is it functional for communication?

The way I imagine things panning out is that as long as I can sustain exposure to the sources of the alien language, the baby will acclimatize to it. Once he is older and the exposure stops or fades when other more relevant and immediate learning and time needs come in, the “use it or lose it” will happen anyway. I don’t think that teaching for the first couple of years a language the child doesn’t get anything done from using (considering how daily contact is not in it, making it dysfunctional for communication most of the time) is going to keep the language alive in his mind for life. So then why?

Also, I’m looking at the impact of our overambition on our children. Whether we make it play or not, it is a constant bombardment of stimulation. If I have to expose my child to language, maths, sign language, creative activities, physical play, ….. when is the time to stand and stare?

I’m a very laid back person and do a huge amount of stuff naturally with Nisarga. Not much fazes me. But I get the jitters thinking of exposing a child to a “learning environment”, labeling it fun and making him accept all these alien things. And I hate the word exposing – you expose objects. People should have the respect of being offered a choice – you introduce, suggest…. Give respect, get respect. Youd child is learning more from how you are with him than he is from what you do with him.

But then, my idea of parenting is very attachment not only in the advertised manner, but emotionally too. I am perfectly okay with the baby clinging to me all the time, not being friendly with new people he meets, developing in his initial years with constants shared with his most trusted people. I find it a strange world where we make our kids independent when they are dependent, and then when they are exerting their independence as they grow up (teens onwards), we wish they would be closer to us. Plain unnatural. Ever heard of a baby needing to be taught to want closeness and safety of its mother/other close people? It is the “teaching to be social” and forced entry to the unfamiliar that breaks those bonds before they are ready to stretch. Once the child is vulnerable in a new situation and grows up fast to cope, what do they need the emotional side of their parent for?

You objectify the child, and the child slowly starts seeing you as a facility rather than person.

Ever heard of a baby needing to be taught to want closeness and safety of its mother/other close people? It is the “teaching to be social” and forced entry to the unfamiliar that breaks those bonds before they are ready to stretch. Once the child is vulnerable in a new situation and grows up fast to cope, what do they need the emotional side of their parent for?
You objectify the child, and the child slowly starts seeing you as a facility rather than person.

I’m aware a lot of my personal value judgments influence how I see this issue, but I find it remarkably like training a circus lion to jump through a flaming loop. Sure, a good trainer will make it fun, but a child needs to absorb the familarity of the “trusted” and the okayness of shying away from the “other” to be emotionally anchored in his own self-worth.

If a majority of the attention, enjoyment and appreciation a child gets is to teach something or the other or for health, etc. I am enabling an unfortunate belief in the child. I am important when I learn things. I am important when I do more and more things. I believe that if I do it too much, I will cause Nisarga to stop enjoying anything that doesn’t involve doing something, learning something or embracing every new challenge coming his way.

I think an important part of Nisarga’s upbringing is to be picking and choosing. What is immediately necessary is a priority. All else is a choice, and preferrably led by him. The day he shows curiosity about how different people in the world communicate if not in the languages he knows, is the day I’ll “expose” him to what they sound like, and if it interests him, we can take things from there. Otherwise, I’ll be happy knowing that we can communicate well with each other, and he can express himself and comprehend the world around him enough to be functional (self-sufficient is something he can decide for himself). Functional being defined by him being okay with the state of things.

If we move to France and he feels alone, I might help him learn French as a way of communicating with people. Otherwise, I’ll wait for him to show interest. If he doesn’t, that’s fine too. It will be one language more in a list of infinite languages that he doesn’t know. Big deal!

What I’m curious about is where do you as a parent draw the line? How much is too much?

How do we manage our desires and dreams with respect for the individuality of our child?

Categories: baby development, development, learning languages.

Atarax drops – things I didn't know

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November 20, 2009

Okay, the baby had had a bad night two days ago, and the pediatrician prescribed atarax drops – 10 drops morning and night. She asked me to call back in a day.

I’d given him the drops and he slept most of the day away. I assumed it was from being so utterly exhausted. He hadn’t had another crying spell. When I called the doctor after 24 hours as told, she asked about how he was responding and I told her that, and she asked me to reduce his dose to 8 drops both times and call back in another 24 hours.
He’s doing fine.
Then, with my obsession with whatever the baby ingests, I searched online for information about Atarax drops and I found the following:
  • They contain Hydroxyzine Hydrochloride.
  • They are indicated for nervous stress, anxiety and neurovegetative disorders in cardiovascular affections (hy­pertension, arteriosclerosis, arrhythmia, stenocardia, nervous and circulatory asthenia), respiratory af­fections (nervous cough, chronic bronchitis, bronchospasmsl, gastrointestinal disorders (nausea and vo­miting, gastric hypermotility and hypersecretion, gastric and duodenal ulcers, chronic colitis), and in pe­diatrics (tics, enuresis)….
  • Sleepiness is a common side effect!
  • It is possible to alergic to these – I HAD been thinking that Nisarg’s face looks a little swollen, but thought it was because of the crying….
In short, its a heavy duty medicine, particularly for such a small baby, and while it helps, it would have been good if the doctor could have explained how important it was not to give more than needed (I can imagine myself giving him “a little bit more” if faced with a screaming infant in the middle of the night – not that I do this easily with him, but that it feels remarkably powerless to see him hurt – luckily the situation didn’t arise). I think it also was crucial that we be told that we could expect him to sleep a bit more from the medicine and to watch out for possible allergic reactions.
It sounded like a regular medicine for babies, the way she gave it. Or maybe it is? I don’t know.
Anyway, it doesn’t seem to make him drowsy when it counts, and he had a fussy spell for two hours after taking the medicine before he would settle to sleep. Though luckily, it was more a needy state of being rather than outright wails. And then we slept like a pair of logs till morning.

Categories: ear pain, medicines, pain.

Two month old using sign language

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November 19, 2009

Okay, Nisarg is definitely using sign language. I’d thought so earlier.

Since then, he’s signed “milk” a couple of times more. I’d been trying to get a video, but he does it rather absently, and when I approach with my phone in hand, he starts interacting with me, waving and sucking his fist. Finally, I was able to capture the tail end of it as he got hungry when my mother-in-law was holding him….. Its not very clear, he does it just once, but check out his right hand. He was doing it with both when I came close and stopped :(

Things got ugly real fast after I shot this. We had a crying session. I guess he didn’t appreciate me just sitting there watching him when I could feed him.
He does it quite well. Maybe I’ll get a better video in a day or two.

Categories: baby development, baby sign language, infant communication, proud mama.

Two month old signing milk?

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November 19, 2009

Okay, its likely that I’m over reacting, but twice (for sure, and once unsure) since yesterday evening, we’ve seen Nisarg opening and closing his fist deliberately – the sign for milk. Both times I responded by offering to feed him, and he was hungry and fed well.

I show him the baby signing time video often because its bright and has music and stuff. He enjoys the music, and watches on and off. I had never thought he was paying attention. Perhaps he isn’t. I also do the sign for milk while I’m feeding him. That is something he definitely notices, as he is always looking intently at me as he feeds. I think he has realized that the sign for milk is accompanied by or followed by a feed.

Now, the question is if this is a coincidence or deliberate?

Everything I’ve read about baby sign language indicates that babies don’t start signing till they are 6 months old, as they don’t have that kind of coordination till then. On the other hand, Nisarg is definitely opening and closing his hands when he is hungry. It is not a very proper opening and closing – more like an uncurling of his fingers and curling back – neither does he make a proper fist, nor does he make his fingers completely straight.

It is quite likely that I’m imagining things.

On the other hand, a friend who runs a developmental toys library made an insightful comment when I told her about Nisarg letting me know when he wants to pee. She said, “They are telling us a great many things all through. It is about how observant and intuitive we are.” She thought it was a sign of my sensitivity and attention that I picked up his cues and we had a day without wetting a single diaper.

So I like to think that Nisarg is making the sign for milk. Whether he is actually trying to tell me, or simply hungry and remembers that sign as associated with feeding, I don’t know. He does it quite absently, like he is when he is talking to himself. As opposed to when he coos to us. So I think maybe he remembers the sign when he is hungry, without actually signing for us as such.

I’ll try to shoot a video and post it here, and you guys can tell me what you think.

Update: I tried this time when he did it, and he got distracted and started interacting with me…. So no go. Will try again when he does it.

Categories: baby development, baby sign language, development, infant communication, milestones.

Caring for gassy infant – How to treat gas in infant

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November 19, 2009

Here’s some tips on caring for gassy infants born from my trial by fire:

  1. At the FIRST sign of gas – crying, squirming, passing very little gas after a lot of action… use neopeptine. I’d say, when in doubt, use neopeptine too.
  2. Comfort baby. Cuddle in fetal position. This brings legs closer to stomach and naturally helps pass gas, while making the baby feel secure.
  3. Feed baby. Babies tend to have bowel movements (or attempts) when feeding. The feeding comforts as well as helps them move the gas along.
  4. Put some massage oil (coconut oil should be fine) on your hands and rub the tummy gently. G-e-n-t-l-y. You are not trying to squeeze the gas out. Just soothe and encourage movement.
  5. Move the baby a lot. The squirming that is tiring your baby out is basically the baby moving to help pass gas. You can be a huge help to baby here. Rock, swing, exercise legs in bicycling motions, hold legs up like for a diaper change….. keep changing positions. The baby will not settle till the gas passes, so a position change is only temporary relief. Don’t let the infant get all worked up when it loses its effectiveness, move to a different position.
  6. Of course, when a position soothes baby, hold it for longer, or move to something else quickly.
  7. The end of the baby that gas is expected to exit has to be higher. Gas rises, remember? So, if your baby is moving his head restlessly, rocking back and forth, etc, hold him vertical, pat back, encourage burp. If he is squirming the whole body, drawing up legs and kicking them out, etc. Put horizontal and raise legs, cuddle in cradle hold, lightly rub small circles on lower back, etc.
These are things to do while your baby is suffering. If you are breastfeeding your infant, it might help to look into fore-milk hind-milk imbalance or lactose overload (NOT lactose intolerance), which I have written about earlier.

Categories: Digestion, health, infant, tips.

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