Nisarga’s 4th birthday

Today is Nisarga’s fourth birthday and it is a day of mixed feelings. On one hand, life is full of affection and small, but real learning. On the other, no matter how much I wish not to measure milestones, it is yet another birthday gone past without Nisarga achieving any dramatic milestones.

He sits well enough with support, but sitting without support is still far from reliable. He attempts to stand using me (and only me) as support, but it needs so much help that it can’t be called standing. A part of me dreads this day when people will ask about “progress” and my usual descriptors that bring joy will not communicate anything real to them.

So he understands better, he’s learning things, moving slightly better, taking an interest in the laptop, but what does it mean? Does he sit, stand, read, write? Nope.

It gets tough to explain what I see as daily changes. Small, but welcome. Perhaps they do not impress one who doesn’t realize that there are also answers like no change, no matter what I tried, or worse, regression. We have been through that too.

So different is the life to present and so different is the one we life.

For the world, I’m the mother of a special needs child. At home, I’m just mom and he’s Nisarga and life is pretty amazing actually, if we don’t look at missed deadlines of “normalcy”. We have fun together. We respect each other. He’s developing a distinct personality, which I am quite awed to realize is affectionate and sensitive to others.

Right now, as I type, it is almost five in the morning, and Nisarga has been up all night, playing. He woke a little past midnight when Raka switched on the TV. Raka is fast asleep now, but after a solid  4 hour sleep, Nisarga was awake “for the day”, so to say. So we played in the middle of the night. We watched videos, did silly things and showered kisses on each other. (Been a long time since last update. Kissing is our favorite activity these days).

Exhausted, I think he will sleep if I try now. Giving him a few minutes to play with an empty snacks wrapper (he has been fascinated with making plastic crackle since last night) while I capture this moment for his blog. The pre-birthday birthday time, when the world hasn’t yet woken, but hours of celebrating a treasured relationship have already happened.

PS: In other news, I got him a tricycle for his birthday. He can’t ride it, of course, but he enjoys sitting in it and being pushed around, and I’m hoping it gives him ideas for things he could try doing with his feet.