With a baby, I’m re-discovering what I thought I was done with after the marriage – how difficult it is to come to a meeting of ways with people with different belief and value systems.
The new mother’s generosity and eagerness to share her magic with the world often leads to unwise choices where we make decisions that take things beyond out control. No one is to blame, yet everything goes wrong.
This cancelled celebration is a classic example. Its easy to sit here with “if onlys”. If only we had decided on a venue where a woman’s periods were irrelevant. If only I’d imagined that periods were a possibility. If only others had not found out, and I could simply get away with not telling anyone.
When deciding the venue, there were many choices, yet it was my choice to do it in the temple. I can’t blame anyone. I wanted his grandparents to share in the celebratory food as well, which they will not unless its cooked in a certain religious manner. I lost sight of the fact that the purpose was the celebration, and the rest were peripherals. I wanted it all.
So now, nothing.
The sad part of this is that both my husband and I are utterly allergic to religion. Raka believes that some vague God may exist, and I’m certain that there is no such thing. For us, the value in the temple was in the in-laws being able to eat.
Yet, in hindsight, we see that they are used to attending celebrations and coming home for meals, since they have accepted that the world doesn’t operate this way. They would have had the same joy in celebrating their grandson no matter where we did it.
There is no way we can do the function, since it would now offend them.
I am learning anew to make my decisions according to my objectives and stop accommodating peripherals. Yet, I don’t know. This is hindsight. Perhaps, not knowing something like this could happen, I might still make choices to accommodate the wishes of everyone?
Now I must get back to making sure all the countless people invited are asked not to come…. 🙁