Conversational contexts

By | March 22, 2011

Nisarga has really started picking up on overall meanings/tones of conversations. And he’s on my side!!!

Make that he’s on my side in defending his rights. Two incidents.

We were meeting the big physiotheripast – the main woman – Dr. Urmila Kamat. She comes once in a while and meets a lot of people, so invariably the appointment timings get pushed around. Not the end of the world, but Nisarga really has a very low threshold of waiting for appointments. He fidgets, demands to see Mickey mouse, wants to see the road and the cars and generally do something non stop till he tires himself out, or be cranky till he tires himself out. This delays in appointments business is really not a good idea for younger kids (or older… or adults).

So, we went in, and he was already fussy. On top of that, it was an unfamiliar social context from what usually is in that room. he didn’t particularly like it, but bore it with that resigned cooperation that is so characteristic of him once pushed beyond his energy zone. It was fine, and I preempted any fussiness by distracting him, etc.

Till the doctor lit into me for immediately answering him every time he cried. Apparently I should not do it, which is another big argument for me, but I’m used to this dictatorial nonsense, so it goes in one year and out the other. Nisarga was giving her dirty looks, which could have been his mood, but later, as she tried to speak to him, he deliberately looked away at everyone except her. Good for him. There is no reason that he should smile and interact with someone recommending that his distress should be ignored.

The other time happened when my mother-in-law visited recently. With all the candidness of her generation, she declared that there was nothing wrong with him, and that I am not feeding him enough/correctly. I honestly have no answer for that, since I really don’t know what’s wrong. The lines of the doctor’s investigation seem completely wrong to me. So her guess was as good as mine as the doctors. I asked her what she meant.

She described a diet that was way less than what this guy eats, but in her eyes, it was the “routine” that mattered. I feed him when he is hungry. According to her, I should feed him at certain times only and ignore him if he asks at other times. She even offered to take him away with her for a while to get him into a healthy routine. Uh… no, it isn’t as “child stealing” as it sounds. That entire generation seems to be okay with kids being sent out to relatives etc to change habits or break them. And parents being advised to send their kids somewhere to ‘fix’ them. It was an idea, not a kidnapping. That will get him eating healthy!!! Well, Nisarga was taking none of that. He had been solemnly listening to the conversation, but we were both surprised when he broke in at this point making angry sounds at the MIL and clinging to me!!!!! Two minutes later he asked HER for food and when he got it, he wasn’t really hungry. MIL was feeding him. Just ate a couple of bites, but refused to let be put the remaining back in the kitchen. Oh boy, we are growing up, we have opinions and we have no issues with making them known. My boy!!!

Note: Though if he was really smart, he would have known that his grandmother has a lot of this “rules” kind of thinking indoctrinated, but when it comes to action, she fed him as lovingly as I do – totally out of “schedule”. At that point, if I had suggested that he wasn’t really hungry, I’d have gotten blasted for depriving the poor tyke when he was asking for food 😀

Its love, and its fear. Both my parents and Raka’s don’t live with us, so they don’t have the reassurance that he is happy and improving slowly but steadily. The longer this is happening, the more “wild ideas” they get – its fear, concern, love. Just saying this, because the incident is written leading to Nisarga’s actions in that one incident. In reality, other than me, his grandmother is the only person I can leave him with without second thought. They adore each other. She takes him for long walks. That explains it all 😀

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